Friday, November 14, 2008


"War were declared."

Wide Releases – Not Original

An American Carol


Body of Lies


City of Ember


Flash of Genius

High School Musical 3

How to Lose Friends and Alienate People

Max Payne

Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist


Saw V

The Secret Life of Bees

Sex Drive (Seriously, it's based on a book.)


Zack and Miri Make a Porno (Though the overarching story may be sort of original, this is for a Star Wars porno... which incidentally is pretty much every Kevin Smith movie.)

Month – 17

Year – 74

Wide Releases - Original

Beverly Hills Chihuahua

The Haunting of Molly Harley

Pride and Glory

Month – 3

Year – 59

Limited Release – Original

Allah Made Me Funny


Call + Response

Choose Connor

Dear Zachary

Eden Lake

Fear(s) of the Dark

Filth and Wisdom

The First Basket

Fraude: Mexico 2006

Front Runners

Gay Bed and Breakfast Terror

Good Dick


I've loved you so long

Just Buried

Tbe Matador

Mattie Fresno and the Holoflux Universe

Morning Light

My Name is Bruce

Nights and Weekends

Not Your Typical Bigfoot Movie

The Other End of the Line


The Pleasures of Being Robbed

Rachel Getting Married


Roadside Romeo


Saving Marriage

The Soviet Story


Synecdoche, NY

Talento de Barrio
Tokyo Gore Police

Total Denial

Tru Loved

Universe of Keith Haring

The Violent Kind

Who Does She Think She Is?

Limited Not Original

Ashes of Time Redux

Ben X

Billy: The Early Years

Breakfast with Scot

Let the Right One In

One Day You'll Understand

What Just Happened

The Score

Month: 43-24

Year: 294-140


Month: 3-17

Year: 59-74

Note: With two months to go, the wide releases are running away with the unoriginality. In unoriginal news, there is a Footloose remake, a Karate Kid remake, and a Fame remake in the works. Plus, they're bringing back Melrose Place.

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Straight Talk

-If John McCain weren't the nominee, John McCain would be blasting the campaign for the Bill Ayers and Jeremiah Wright stuff.

-Sarah Palin is far from through. Sure, she's a power abusing, frightening, massively wardrobed monster: she's also wildly popular with the republicans in a party where most heroes are dead or ancient. Consider the near-candidates from this past year - Rudy Giuliani is prochoice, Mitt Romney is Mormon, and everyone else has been pretty much forgotten except on Law and Order reruns. McCain is ancient and, after he loses this election, will probably disappear. George Bush's administration has effectively ended the careers of everyone involved with it, at least for the immediate future. So who's left for the right to rally behind? Who can appeal to the middle class and to social conservatives while still defending business and wealth interests? Can you guess? You betcha.

-If history repeats itself and we are heading into a depression, it's probably a bad thing that Sarah Palin reminds me so much of early 30's Hitler.

-I cannot manage to generate any sympathy for Joe the Plumber or the other small business owners who make over a quarter million dollars a year and don't feel like they should pay even slightly higher taxes.

-The middle class means everyone who earns between nothing and 5 million a year, apparently. John McCain said that anyone making over 5 million was rich, and accused Obama of voting raise taxes on families making less than $41,000 a year (which was only true technically). Speaking as someone who is very poor and made about $22,000 last year, I know that a family making less than twice that would be struggling. But they'd be middle class according to McCain. It's not just the republicans, either... both campaigns have been saying 'middle class' constantly, mostly where it would probably be more honest to say 'lower class' or 'poor.' Granted, in this economy even people making six figures might be struggling to maintain their lifestyle, but I'm not sure that it's fair to group people who have to drive the sedan instead of the SUV with people who have to juggle credit cards to keep up with food and gas prices.

-For those of you not in North Carolina, Elizabeth Dole is running the nastiest campaign I have ever seen. Her ads have gone beyond calling her opponent, Kay Hagan, a liar, and have called her a 'fibber,' compared her to a yappy dog several times, and accused her of owning oil companies and wanting to destroy unions.

-The two kids who got caught plotting to kill Obama by driving toward him while firing out the window of a car, dressed in white suits and top hats are just two angry, weird kids. Unfortunately, there are probably more viable plots afoot. Joe Biden was right about the new president facing tests, but odds are they aren't just coming from abroad.

-If the threats the new president faces are not being faced by President Barack Obama, I think I will actually leave the country this time.

-George Bush: lamest duck ever.

MUSIC: born ruffians: foxes mate for life

Friday, October 10, 2008


Wide Releases – Not Original

Bangkok Dangerous

The Women

Miracle At St. Anna

Nights In Rodanthe



The Duchess

Month – 7

Year – 57

Wide Releases - Original

Burn After Reading

Righteous Kill

Tyler Perry's the Family that Preys

Eagle Eye


Ghost Town


Lakeview Terrace

My Best Friend's Girl

Month – 9

Year – 56

Limited Releases – Original

Able Danger

August Evening

Christmas on Mars

Everybody Wants to be Italian

Exit Speed

Greetings from the Shore

Jake's Corner

Loins of Punjab Presents

Moving Midway

Phoebe in Wonderland

Ping Pong Playa

The Pool

Proud American


Surfer Dude

Walking On Dead Fish

Young People Fucking

All of Us

All Roads Lead Home


Forever Strong


Humboldt County

The Lucky Ones


Wild Combination: a Portrait of Arthur Russell

Shoot on Sight

Silent Light



Limited Releases Not Original

Virtual JFK

A Thousand Years of Good Prayers

the World Unseen

Hallam Foe (AKA Mr. Foe)

A Secret

Pink Conspiracy

Man From London

Battle In Seattle

Boogie Man: The Lee Atwater Story

The Amazing Truth About Queen Raquela


The Score

month: 39-18

year: 251-116

month: 9-7
year: 56-57

Thursday, September 25, 2008

I wanted to alert everyone...

... to this thing. It was made during the writer's strike to show the potential of internet-only content, and it's available to watch in full for what I imagine is a limited time. Also, I imagine it's better than pretty much anything on TV.

Speaking of TV, I admit that there was a time when I was a gigantic Law and Order fan. I've watched more than one of those frequent USA or TNT marathons. I think, then that my brief discussion of some of what is actually on TV should start there. I watched the season premiere of SVU this week.

There was a subplot involving a credit card being stolen which was actually taken by Chris Meloni's daughter. This was more interesting than the actual plot. Luke Perry was some sort of serial rapist who confessed off screen after long, painful minutes of screen time were given to some truly atrocious child-acting/tantruming.

I also fell victim to the JJ Abrams hype machine and actually watched Fringe. The show is talked about as if it is a blend of the X-files and.. well... something. Whatever that something is, it's not very present in the blend. Fringe is a watered down and more absurd X-files. The plot of the second episode was actually a rip off of three different X-files plots, and as of the third episode, nothing has been encountered that Dr. Regent of Gondor doesn't specifically remember working on back in the day. How convenient. The plots and characters are cribbed from a better show and the complexity of the relationships outside of this core group are so wildly underdeveloped that conversations become incomprehensible. And it doesn't help that half the locations are giant glass buildings, so that from the inside the audience can't tell if they're in Boston or New York or some new all-glass structure.

And don't get me started on the giant 3-d letters that tell the location and then are integrated into shots as if the label "Harvard" is actually physically present on the Harvard campus.

Also, some of the biggest upcoming fall shows are Kath and Kim (remake from Australia), Life on Mars (remake from England), Knight Rider (remake from Hell), and Little Britain (England again). So now this post ties in with my overall theme, sort of.

And on another TV note, I wonder what they're scrambling to replace tomorrow's debate with, since John McCain has shown his leadership by running back to D.C. to vote instead of, you know, having a debate that will help determine who will lead the damn country. In his defense, though, I wouldn't want to debate Barack either.

Music: tv on the radio: shout me out

Friday, September 19, 2008

The original score... taking over the blog... it's actually a reasonable amount of time and effort each week to write snarky and insulting film summaries and then post them with cumulative scores.

Not enough work that I'm going to stop... just, I'm going to keep up with it on a monthly basis for the rest of the year, I think. I'll throw September's totals up with some appropriate jabs (I'm looking at you Bangkok Dangerous) after the last friday of the month. That way I can actually use this blog to, you know, blog. Instead of just keep a tally.

So in non-original movie news:

I've been querying agents like mad, even though I don't know if this is really the thing to do. I've got a few good scripts and I even have them registered with the WGA, and I'd like someone to sell them and give me money. I realize, however, that this is a difficult proposition. Especially in Carrboro.

So at the same time, I'm putting together an application for the graduate MFA program for screenwriting at UCLA. I'm lining up recommendations and letters of reference and requirements and whatnot. I kind of hate the idea of going to school again, but the economy and the business being what it is, I guess there are worse things.

Some guy sold us a kiln, and Amanda has been firing and glazing and throwing (pots... as in making them) like crazy. She might even take a stab at an MFA herself... but regardless of that she's making some pretty amazing things.

And that's what's afoot aside from how unoriginal hollywood is. Along those lines, I would like to point out that there are an awful lot of "new" shows this fall that are remakes of older or more foreign shows. the bastards.

MUSIC: beck: earthquake weather

Friday, August 29, 2008

29 August 2008

"Never trust a man in a blue trench coat. Never drive a car when you're dead."


Babylon A.D.: not original

College: I'm pretty sure I liked this better when it was P.C.U. (or anything else). Original

Disaster Movie: This is probably what these guys should have called all of their movies. Not original

Traitor: Story by Steve Martin? That Steve Martin? (yes). Not original


My Mexican Shiva: You're dead to me, Mexico. Original

Sukiyaki Western Django: Were guns in existence in the 1100's? I'm pretty sure they weren't, but what the hell, Japanese Westerns are a-okay even if they're anachronistic nonsense. Original

Year of the Fish: Rotoscoped Cinderella story set in New York's Chinatown. Keyword: Massage Parlour. Original

Return to Goree: The week almost got by without any new Documentary releases... almost. Original


week: 5-2
year: 212-98


week: 1-3
year: 47-50

Friday, August 22, 2008

22 August 2008

"Unless, of course, war were declared."


Death Race: Paul W.S. Anderson, not to be confused with Paul T. Anderson or Wes Anderson. This is the one that sucks. Not original

The House Bunny: PLAYMATE HOUSE!! (just barely) original

The Longshots: Warnings: "Based on a true story" "Starring Ice Cube" "Directed by Fred Durst" Not original

The Rocker: The name of the writer (Wally Wolodarsky) is funnier than the whole concept. Original


Ballet Shoes: Not original

Cthulhu: That Cthulhu... starring Tori Spelling. Not original

Hamlet 2: I hope Steve Coogan can get some post Tropic Thunder attention for this. Original

I Served the King of England: Menzel is adapting his first Hrabel novel since Closely Watched Trains. Not original

I.O.U.S.A.: You don't wanna know. Original

Momma's Man: Writer/Director Azazel Jacobs takes a big risk putting "Momma" in the title and not casting Martin Lawrence. I hope he has a good lawyer. Original

Trouble the Water: The water is flood water... hence the trouble. Original

the score:

week: 6-5
year: 207-96


week: 2-2
year: 46-47

Friday, August 15, 2008

15 August 2008

"I think, the world, it will anoint me if I show it how I hold it"


Tropic Thunder: I feel like I'm taking crazy pills. Original

Mirrors: Even if I hadn't seen the preview to confirm, I'd bet a lot of money on this Asian horror remake having at least one creepy child in it. Not original

The Clone Wars: Hopefully the kid-pleasing (Jar Jar) aspect of this one is just the animation, and Lucas hasn't inserted some jive-talking sea elephant or a pink fluffy bunny jedi. Not original

Vicky Christina Barcelona: Scarlett Johansson is going to have sex with someone in a Woody Allen movie. This makes the movie at least in part unoriginal. Original


Anita O'Day: The Life of a Jazz Singer: Original

Blitzkrieg! Escape from Stalag 69: Nazisploitation. I'm not kidding. Original

Fly me to the Moon: Houseflies stow away on Apollo 11. This movie gets made and I don't have an agent yet.... Original

The Girl Cut in Two: Thankfully not connected with Eli Roth. Based on a true story. Not original

Henry Poole is Here: And Henry Poole is going to see some religious figure somewhere. I hope it's Ted Nugent in the woodgrain of a rifle stock. Original

Jack Brooks: Monster Slayer: I can't tell if this is a remake, but it looks about as unoriginal as can be either way, so I give it the Not original.

One Bad Cat: The Albert Wagner Story: There are a lot of coloned titles getting limited releases this week. Also, this is a documentary and Albert Wagner is not, in fact, a cat. Original

the score:

week: 7-4
year: 201-91


week: 2-2
year: 44-45

Monday, August 11, 2008

8 August 2008

"Fuck Jeff Goldblum!" (from Pineapple Express, apparently. Without seeing it, I guess it's the best line in the movie.)


Pineapple Express: I hope they paid a lot, David Gordon Green... Original

Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2: Did you know that the first movie was based on a novel? Not that that's an excuse. Not original


Amal: Thanks to Salman Rushdie, I know what the movies about simply by reading the title of the story it's based on, "Amal: The Autorickshaw Wallah." Not original

Beautiful Losers: Unrelated to the Leonard Cohen novel, which is really too bad. Original

Beer for My Horses: Starring and (co)written by Toby Keith! Ted Nugent costars! I assume PETA will be getting everyone involved jailed, since this is probably just an edited down tape of Keith and some friends (Claire Forlani?) force feeding their horses gallons of pbr. Original

Bottle Shock: I have become very interested in beer and wine production in the last month, and even I can't imagine a movie about making wine being very enjoyable. Not original

Elegy: It's Ben Kingsley! Let's all praise him! (The proprietor is still pissed about You Kill Me) Not original

Fire Under the Snow: Documentary about a Tibetan monk and his 33 years in jail. Original

Hell Ride: This is the 3rd Dennis Hopper picture in seven days... Original

The Neighbor: Based on the synopsis, I'm pretty sure this is that David Spade movie where he kidnapped a dog. Original

Patti Smith: Dream of Life: I think I would like this documentary more if it had kept it's working title ("Untitled Patti Smith Project"). Original

Red: Brian Cox is going on a revenge spree after three kids kill his dog. No, seriously. Not original

What We Do in Secret: is apparently write biopics about people no one's ever heard of. Does anyone know who Darby Crash is (was? I dunno)? Not original

Wrangler: Anatomy of an Icon: I don't know who this guy is, but I find it off-putting that a man who produced so much pornography is named Wrangler. Original

the score:

week: 8-6
year: 194-87


week: 1-1
year: 42-43

note: late. But I did finish another script last week, and I need some readers. volunteers?

Friday, August 01, 2008

1 August 2008

"No more goat soup"


The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor: Finally, a movie featuring the terra cotta army AND yetis. Not original

Swing Vote: In the second dream pairing of the weekend, Willie Nelson and Judge Reinhold share the screen. Original

Midnight Meat Train: After years of trying unsuccessfully to get Clive Barker to let them abandon his story and make a terrible adult film, some studio caved in and actually made a film based on the story. Not original


The Square: Directed and produced by Nash Edgerton. Written and produced by and starring Joel Edgerton (that's Owen Lars from the new Star Wars trilogy to you). Original

America the Beautiful: Is America dangerously obsessed with appearance? Does phrasing the question this way make it obvious how the documentary will answer it? Original

Frozen River: What are the people who smuggle people across the northern border into the US called? Timber wolves? Original

In Search of a Midnight Kiss: This movie takes place on New Years Eve. You now know the entire plot. Original

the score:

week: 5-2
year: 186-81


week: 1-2
year: 41-42

Friday, July 25, 2008

25 July 2008

"Are you serious?" "Almost always. I was once voted the worst audience participant Cirque Du Soleil ever had."


X-Files: I Want to Believe: I do too, but the reviews are not good. Not original

Step Brothers: Remember Talladega Nights? Well, someone really, really wants to remind you. Original


American Teen: Guess what this documentary's about. Original

Return to Normandy: Another obviously titled documentary, but the title action is for the purpose of finding people involved in an earlier documentary rather than the assumed World War II reasons. Original

Boy A: Out of prison after serving a juvenile murder sentence, Jack gets confused about his radiohead references. Not original

Brideshead Revisited: "Evelyn Waugh was a man." Not original

CSNY Deja Vu: That's "Crosby, Stills, Nash, and Young" not some sort of obscure New York crime unit. Original

Man on Wire: That's three for three with the obviously titled documentaries. Original

The Order of Myths: Mardi Gras in Mobile, Alabama. Original

Red 71: The plot synopsis makes it sound decent enough, but then you notice that the plot synopsis was written by the director. Original

the score:

week: 7-3
year: 181-81


week: 1-1
year: 40-40

Friday, July 18, 2008

18 July 2008

"They may be drinkers, Robin, but they're still human beings." - Batman: The Movie


The Dark Knight:
You saw the last one. It'll be way better than Batman & Robin. Not original

Mamma Mia: Everybody likes Abba! And Meryl Streep has never been more popular. And, really, who doesn't love Stellan Skarsgaard? Oh, well he was in Dogville. He was the guy with the orchard. Right, the first one to... Hey! Where're you going?! Not original

Space Chimps: It's like that sketch from the Muppet Show that was tolerably funny for ten minutes, except that it's 90 minutes. Also, it replaces pigs with monkeys. Also, it cost 40 million dollars. Original


Before I Forget: It's French and autobiographical. Oh, and gay. Jaques Nolot. He's very big... Look, the French are paying for it. Fine. Original

Felon: We got Val Kilmer all method-ed out and in jail, and he's probably going to wail on or take under his wing the new fish guy... I dunno, I didn't really read it. But Stephen Dorff is on board, and it's an indie, so everybody's working for peanuts. Original

The Legend of God's Gun: I know that quirky's out and that westerns are dead, but... well... it's a quirky western. Hey, it takes place in a town called Playa Diablo! Maybe we can muddy the waters and trick some people into thinking it's connected with Juno! That picture made buttloads. Original

Lou Reed's Berlin: Julian Schnabel and Lou Reed. Original

Mad Detective: Get this, it's a rookie cop teamed up with an insane cop! Imagine what we could do with the rights, Mel Gibson, and Shia Lebeouf. Original

Transsiberian: It's basically Murder on the Orient Express, but on a Trans-Siberian passenger train. Original

Very British Gangster: I know what you're thinking, but Ben Kingsley's not involved. This is a documentary. Original

the score

week: 8-2
year: 174-78


week: 1-2
year: 39-39

Friday, July 11, 2008

11 July 2008

"I am an American aquarium drinker..."

Another week missed. Here we go.

last week wide:

Hancock: Every time a movie title is the main character's last name, the first name is John. It is probably not an absolute rule, but it's close (Shaft, Constantine, Rambo, etc...). Original

Kitt Kittridge: An American Girl: Sequel to the underperforming Helga Hoffstadt: Eine East German Madchen. Not Original

last week limited:

Gonzo: The Life and Work of Hunter Thompson: Documentary. Original

The Wackness: Ben Kingsley makes out with an Olsen and rocks the ganj. What's not to like? Original

Diminished Capacity: Another week, another Matthew Broderick movie. Original

Holding Trevor: "They’re embarrassing America! They turned the Navy into a floating joke. They ruined all our best names like Bruce, and Lance, and Julian. Those were the toughest names we had!" Now even our gerund-name titles aren't safe! Original

Very Young Girls: Documentary about the title people and prostitution.. Original

last weeks score:

week: 6-1
year: 160-69


week: 1-1
year: 37-35

This week wide:

Hellboy II: The Golden Army: It's nice to see Ron Perlman doing something other than absorbing Beauty and the Beast living-in-the-sewer jokes. Not original

Journey to the Center of the Earth: Encino Man will finally get to face dinosaurs. Not original

Meet Dave: Even keeping The Love Guru in mind, this looks like the worst comedy of the summer (ever?). Original

This week limited:

Another Gay Sequel: Gays Gone Wild: IMDB plot outline: "Andy, Nico, Jarod and Griff reunite in Fort Lauderdale for Spring Break and participate in a contest called "Gays Gone Wild" to determine who can attain the most "buttlove" over the course of the vacation." Not original

August: Takes place in August 2001, but something tells me it's going to leak over into the first, say, dozen days of the next month. Original

Days and Clouds: Italian film. Original

Death Defying Acts: Guy Pearce as Harry Houdini. I'm in. Not original

Eight Miles High: (German) Sex, Drugs, and Rock and Roll! Not original

Full Battle Rattle: The Iraq simulation in California gets documentaried. Original

Garden Party: Another Los Angeles movie about how mundane and bleak it is in Hollywood. (not really but technically) Original

Harold: It's funny because Har-old has Old man Hair... get it? The kid's bald. See? Hilarious. Original

La France: World War I... the musical! Not original

The Stone Angel: Old lady = stone angel! Not original

This weeks scores

week: 6-7
year: 166-76


week: 1-2
year: 38-37

Friday, June 27, 2008

27 June 2008

"you didn't have to go all Frankie Muniz on me"


Wall-E: I know, I hoped it was a new Short Circuit too. Alas. Original

Wanted: What we need is more movies made out of comic books. Not original


Wicked Lake: Camping, men forcing women to do horrible things, revenge... This sounds a little too close to movies I hate (I Spit on your Grave, Hostel...) to be any good. Original

Trumbo: A documentary (sort of) based on a play...? Confusing to classify on the originality scale, but certainly an intriguing looking picture. Not original

The Last Mistress: Revealing mistakes: In one shot, Asia Argento's "tramp stamp" tattoo is visible. Although tattoos were known to early 19th century Europeans (in fact, they date back before civilization), it seems improbable that Argento's character, a Spanish lady in France, was meant to have a tattoo in a design like the actress's tattoo. Not original

Gunnin' for that #1 Spot: Hoop Dreamsy. Original

Finding Amanda: Matthew Broderick once again makes a better movie than Deck the Halls that will get a fraction of the release. Original

Bustin' Down the Door: Another documentary about surfing. Also, the second documentary with an apostrophe for a 'g' this week. They must be totally hip. Original

the score:

week: 5-2
year: 154-68


week: 1-1
year: 36-34

Friday, June 20, 2008

20 June 2008

"I got a hand so I got a fist so I got a plan, it's the best that I can do"


Get Smart: It's funny because he's stupid. Get it? Not original

The Love Guru:
It's not funny, but it is, by all accounts, even stupider. Though I did see the end of Dana Carvey's Master of Disguise recently and I would be willing to bet that Guru is not the worst vehicle for a Wayne's World alum. Original


Brick Lane: Arranged marriage trip from Bangladesh to London. Sounds like East is East, but this time it's classified as a drama instead of a comedy so it's probably not so goddamn depressing. Not original

Dashavatar: "The ten avatars" is the literal title translation. It seems pretty hard to describe and experimental, but it also seems to be based on the mythology of Vishnu. Not original

Expired: A meter maid falls in love with an asshole cop in LA. Tagline: "Don't park your heart in the red zone." By all accounts it's better than it sounds. Original

Hair Extensions: Killer hair extensions. I'm not kidding. Original

the score:

week: 3-3
year: 149-66


week: 1-1
year: 35-33

note: That American Girl movie doesn't get covered now because it's getting a wide release in a week and a half. I'm sure I don't always catch movies that get released like this, but this one is all over the tv about how this limited release is a "sneak preview," so I caught this one.

Friday, June 13, 2008

13 June 2008

"How 'bout a bumper sandwich, boogerlips?!"


The Incredible Hulk: Spoiler Alert: That's William Hurt, not Ted Levine. Don't let the mustache fool you. Not original

The Happening: More like the Cra... no, no... seriously, I'm sure it's good. Unless the twist is that it's actually bad the whole time, only Haley Osment can't tell. Original


Baghead: Think Leatherface, only stupid on purpose (and not as stupid). Original

Chris and Don: A Love Story: Documentary about the the long-lasting relationship between a British writer , an American artist, and the most generic title ever. Original

Encounters at the end of the World: Holy shit, Werner Herzog was in Antarctica! Tell me somebody warned Antarctica. Is it still there? Did he push a boat over it? Original

Love Comes Lately: Amorous old man. Based on the stories of Issac Bashevis Singer. Not original

My Winnipeg: That's Guy Maddin's Winnipeg, not yours. Original

Quid Pro Quo: Because of the curvy, colorful poster images that use a lot of blue, I thought that there was a typo and that this was some sort of a squid picture. Alas I am mistaken. Original

To the Limit: "Every body to the limit, the Cheat is to the limit! Everybody come on Fhqwhgads." Original

the score:

week: 7-2
year: 146-63


week: 1-1
year: 34-32

note: The new Jan Hrebejk (Divided We Fall, Horem Padem) film is playing in limited release, but it was originally released in 2006 so it doesn't get included in the count. See it all the same.

Friday, June 06, 2008

6 June 2008

So I missed a week. Instead of saying something brief and cruel about Sex and the City, I was moving across town to a sweet new pad. So this week is a double.

"Hava Nagila, Baby" -Rabbi, P.I.

Last Week Wide:

Sex and the City: The Movie:
Thank god they put this in theaters instead of Sex and the City: The Book. Not original

The Strangers: Supposedly inspired by true events. Not original

Last Week Limited:

The Foot Fist Way: Moustache alert! Original

Bigger, Faster, Stronger: Steroids Documentary. Original

Savage Grace: Based on a book of a true story. Not original

Stuck: Mena Suvari hits Stephen Rea with a car. Original

Last Week's Scores:

week: 3-3
year: 130-60

Wide: 0-2
Year: 31-31

This week:


Kung Fu Panda: Finally, a movie that combines the talents of Jackie Chan, David Cross, and Wayne Knight. Original

You Don't Mess With the Zohan: If this movie didn't develop with the help of some sort of intoxicants and liberal inspiration from the Jesus character in The Big Lebowski then I am very surprised. Original


Dreams with Sharp Teeth: Harlan Ellison Documentary. Original

Go-Getter: Let the Zooey Deschanel summer assault begin! Original

The Grocer's Son: It's French, bitch. Original

Miss Conception: There are two 'o's in the title, so guess how many are turned into gender symbols to show us how light hearted this movie about infertility is. That's right, two. Original

Mother of Tears: Dario Argento movie with a reference to eyes in the title? This won't go well. Original

Operation Filmmaker: Documentary. Original

The Promotion: Sean William Scott apparently wasn't satisfied with that movie where he fought against Billy Bob Thornton, so now he gets to go after John Reilly. Original

And When did you Last See your Father?: A father's closeness to death sparks reminiscences in his son. AKA Big Fish. Also, based on a novel. Not original

the score:

week: 9-1
year: 139-61


week: 2-0
year: 33-31

Note: the odds of my having missed a few films last week are, unfortunately, high. I'll try and catch it if I can, but right now I have to unpack.

Friday, May 23, 2008

23 May 2008

"I've got more trophies than Wayne Gretzky and the Pope combined."


Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull: The empire strikes back. Not original


Postal: Based on that video game you probably forgot. (Note: apparently this was supposed to be a wide release until theater owners stopped being completely retarded.) Not original

War, Inc.: Being called the unofficial sequel to Grosse Point Blank does not make it so. Scorpions. Original

Children of Huang Shi: Epic Chinese love story... starring the guy from The Tudors and the girl from Silent Hill. I know. Original

A Jihad for Love: Curiously named documentary about gay and lesbian Muslims. I keep thinking of the scene in Team America where the actor threatens to declare a jihad on anyone who makes him angry, and then I feel terrible. Original

Dalai Lama Renaissance: Harrison Ford narrates a documentary about the Dalai Lama (and probably a noun of an adjective noun). Original

The Edge of Heaven: Bizarre translation of a German film literally called "from the other side." Original

Insidious: Young writer/director makes a movie about a young writer/director. Original

the score:

week: 6-2
year: 127-57


week: 0-1
year: 31-29

(note: Postal not only isn't getting the wide release that Uwe was somehow able to dupe people into agreeing to, but it also doesn't contain the footage of him having fistfights with his critics. alas)

Friday, May 16, 2008

16 May 2008

"If only we hadn't flown penguins to Pluto and dumped oil on them!"


Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian: Based on the bible/C.S. Lewis. Not original


Indestructible: A documentary, one assumes, about superman. Original

My Father, My Lord: Based on the bible/Original

Sangre de mi Sangre: Combines El Norte with El Mariachi and The Muppets Take Manhattan, except this time, it's personal. Original

Yella: German. Original

the score:

week: 4-1
year: 121-55


week: 0-1
year: 31-28

Friday, May 09, 2008

9 May 2008

"Back of the net."


Speed Racer: "Kudos to production designer the Marquis de Sade, and to script-doctor Chim-Chim." -Gregory Weinkauf. Not original

What Happens In Vegas: Does not stay in Vegas, in fact, and takes place largely in New York. Also what happens in Vegas is terrible ideas for movies are drunkenly hatched. Despite the fact that the premise of this film seems to be based on an ad campaign I guess it's grudgingly Original


The Babysitters: The early front runner for the film most likely to have creepy old men filing lawsuits for intellectual property theft. Original

Battle for Haditha: It's hard to tell if this is a fictional film set during the event or essentially a retelling so I'm gonna go Not Original

Before the Rains: But after the original movie, Asphalt Zahov. Not original

Bloodline: The rule on documentaries is that they count as original, but a documentary of a guy trying to explore The Da Vinci Code is getting the Not original

Frontier(s): Neonazis! Original

The Memory Thief: Nazis! Original

Monster Camp: It's like summer camp if, instead of basket weaving and hiking, campers pretended they were orcs and wizards. Oh, and all the campers are adult fantasy enthusiasts. Original

Noise: Tim Robbins is being driven crazy by the constant noise in New York, so instead of considering a move or maybe some soundproofing, he becomes batman. Original

Refusenik: Commies! Original

Surfwise: Documentary about a rejected sequel to Lord of the Rings in which Sam leads a gnarly surfboard invasion to the undying lands. No? Damn. Original

The Tracey Fragments: "There are only rare scenes in which there are less then 3 fragments to be seen on screen." Sounds unpleasant and pretentious, but I've been wrong before. Not original

Turn the River: Is about a poolshark, but I bet there's some Texas Hold 'em in there, too. Original

Vice: Stars most of the cast of Kill Bill. That is all I know. Original

the score:

week: 10-5
year: 117-54


week: 1-1
year: 31-27

Friday, May 02, 2008

2 May 2008

"you're gonna set my country music award on fire?"


Iron Man: Not original

Made of Honor: The preview for this movie had more than two pratfalls in 30 seconds. I'm just saying... Original


Fugitive Pieces: Not original

Graduation: Not a Graduate prequel. Original

Hollywood Chinese: Original

Mister Lonely: Harmony Korine Strikes Back! Original

Redbelt: David Mamet and ultimate fighting sounds like a winning combination, right? (...) Original

Son of Rambow: Almost certainly better than any other Rambo related film. Not original

Viva: Original

The War on Democracy: Original

XXY: Not original

the score:

week: 7-4
year: 107-49


week: 1-1
year: 30-26

note: that whole thing about having energy turned out to be false.

Friday, April 25, 2008

25 April 2008

"Did Colonel Carl Jenkins just steal my car?"


Baby Mama: Original

Harold and Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay: Not original

Deception: Original


Deal: Original

Rogue: Original

Then She Found Me: Not Original

Bomb It: Original

Roman de Gare: Not Original

Standard Operating Procedure: Original

The City of Your Final Destination: Not Original

Without the King: Original

the score:

week: 7-4
year: 100-45


week: 2-1
year: 29-25

note: the bad news is that my job editing html all day makes me really not want to work on this thing. The good news, however, is that I've been fired, so next week I should be a lot more entertaining.

Friday, April 18, 2008

18 April 2008

"Oh wow! This orange is delicious. It is literally to die for." -man enjoying a free sample who does not know what "literal" means.


88 Minutes: Al Pacino is the pits. Original

Forgetting Sarah Marshall: Based on the tragic dating history of the screenwriter. Like every romantic comedy. Original

The Forbidden Kingdom: Based on the legend of the Monkey King. Not original


Expelled No Intelligence Allowed: Ben Stein is allowed... what does that tell you? Original

Anamorph: Wasn't this a saturday morning cartoon? No? I'll be damned. Original

First Saturday in May: If you can just remember that this documentary is about the Kentucky Derby then you can remember when the Kentucky Derby happens. Very helpful. Original

Kiss the Bride: Or don't because you are not attracted to her because you are coming to grips with being a gay man in a romantic comedy of the gay type. Original

Life Before Her Eyes: school shooting survival guilt. Not original

Pathology: With the "commit the perfect murder" dare, another game of truth or dare goes too far. Or something. Original

Where in the World is Osama Bin Laden: Finally, we got Morgan Spurlock on the case! Your ass is grass, Osama. Original

Zombie Strippers: need I say more? Based on the Booker nominated novel by A.S. Byatt. Original

the score:

week: 9-2
year: 100-41


week: 2-1
year: 27-24

Friday, April 11, 2008

11 April 2008

"Oh man, those first 400 bites of dirt were not so good. Maybe the next one will be better."


Prom Night: "I heard prom night was the bomb night with a hoodrat you can squeeze tight." "Alas, Skee-Lo, you were misinformed." Not original

Street Kings: The widest release this year to feature so many fake named people. Cedric the Entertainer, The Game, Common, and some ass who calls himself Keanu, I assume having adopted and misspelled the name of his favorite Mortal Kombat character. Not original

Smart People: Based on the prominent mustacio of Thomas Hayden Church in the previews, I am forced to assume that this film was financed by the mustache lobby to change the mustache's image from child molesters, villains, and the monopoly guy to "smart people." Original


Bra Boys: Think "s'up, bra," not "boy, I sure like wearing slinky bras." Documentary about, get this, a notorious surf gang. Australia is living Point Break. Original

Dark Matter: Dissertation gets passed over for Nobel, dissertation author kills. Based on a true story (?!) from University of Iowa. Not original

Dhamma Brothers: Alabama prison plus ancient meditation program equals irresistible documentary topic. I don't blame you, Andrew Kukura, Jenny Philips, and Anne Marie Stein. Original

A Four Letter Word: I cannot compete with this IMDB summary: "When Luke enters the gay bar flanked by his sidekicks, he doesn't know that he is about to meet his match-in hot macho man Stephen." Original

Never Forever: Couple can't have child, so naturally the wife decides to have a hot naked affair with a migrant worker. Original

Super High Me: With a title that creative, is it any wonder that the movie is about a guy smoking a lot of pot? Original

The Visitor: Spoiler: the visitor is the guy who lives there. Original

Young and Restless in China: either a documentary about young people in China or a documentary about the hopefully-real Chinese version of the similarly titled soap. Original

Young @ Heart: I hate the title of this movie so much that I want to destroy it. How's this, old people in the movie singing U2's "One" in a triumphant acapella old person unity moment, "One" is about a transvestite with HIV confessing to his alienated and hateful father! Bam, how're those conservative Christian morals now! Original

the score:

week: 9-3
year: 91-39


week: 1-2
year: 25-23

Friday, April 04, 2008

4 April 2008

"Sweetie! Isn't that the guy from Depeche Mode?"
"No way, where? Oh, holy crap, he's with a girl!"
"Oh yeah, that guy's totally straight. I saw a whole thing about him on the VH-1. "
"But he's the guy from Depeche Mode! That's impossible!"


Leatherheads: How can George Clooney get away with playing a football player? By making a football movie set in the primordial past. Renee Zellweger plays a stegosaurus. Original

Nim's Island: Movie about a novel and a novelist and a little girl based on a novel by a novelist who is not the same as the novelist in the movie. Think Jumanji. Not original

The Ruins: Another in a long string of anti-spelunking films. Hollywood hates caves! Not orignal


Shine a Light: Because We Were Just Kidding About That Last Waltz Being the Last One is a terrible title. Scorsese becomes the second person to shoot the ridiculous flouncing of Keith Richards in as many years. Original

Flight of the Red Balloon: Yep, it's that movie. Again. Not Original

Grizzly Park: Fake named writer/director Thomas Skull does some typical horror. Original

Meet Bill: Aaron Eckhart wears a suit. Original

My Blueberry Nights: Wong Kar Wai directs an English language picture. Original

Sex and Death 101: The writer/director and Actress from Heathers reunite. "You like a sex crime?" - Borat. Original

the score:

week: 6-3
year: 82-36


week: 1-2
year: 24-21

Wednesday, April 02, 2008

If for no other reason,

I support Hillary for this.

MUSIC: maps and atlases: the ongoing horrible

Friday, March 28, 2008

28 March 2008

"Business is booming. Business of givin' you the business..."


Stop-Loss: The main character's name is (a) Private Khan, (b) Major Caesar, (c) Lieutenant Pharaoh, (d) Sergeant King, (e) Captain Lord, (f) Admiral President? Original

Run, Fat Boy, Run: We switched Simon Pegg's long time filmmaking partner Edgar Wright with delicious Folgers Crystals. Let's see if he notices. Original

Superhero Movie: goddammit. Not original

21: Blackjack, sure, but it's also the drinking age. Coincidence, I think not. Not original


The Cool School: Documentary about the LA art scene (<--most pretentious sentence ever). Original

My Brother is an Only Child:
Hopefully not because I am a ghost. Not original

Aleksandra: Sokurov! Original

American Zombie: A movie about zombies living in LA seems like it shouldn't be considered Original

Chapter 27: Mark David Chapman. Not original

Who's Your Monkey: Also known as "Throwing Stars." Tagline: "Don't stop 'till you drop." Your guess = good as mine. Original, I guess

Flow: For Love of Water: documentary. original

Shotgun Stories: Three feuding brothers who are apparently named Son Hayes, Kid Hayes, and Boy Hayes. I wish I were kidding. Original

the score:

week: 7-5
year: 76-33


week: 2-2
year: 23-19

note: The wide release pictures have gotten through another month without being mostly unoriginal. Can they survive April?

(answer to Stop-Loss quiz: D)

Monday, March 24, 2008

terrible movie idea

Henry Rollins and Noam Chomsky in a small room with a list of complicated topics to discuss. Consider using boi-oing spring sound effect every time some one says something really simple and obvious as though it is an astounding revelation.

Consider splicing in comments from Weird Al or Alice Cooper.

Alternative to spring noise: pop-up text. Example:


When people wash their hands with antibacterial hand soap, they are destroying skin cells that could, at some point, be used to create a human being, but there are no pro-life protests when I wash my hands--

(pop-up: This is true. There are also no pro-choice advocates who favor Jonathan Swift's A Modest Proposal as a practical solution to overpopulation.)

--so clearly the answer lies somewhere between washing my hands and killing kindergarteners.

MUSIC: tom waits: big joe and phantom309

Note: the above Chomsky line is paraphrased from the documentary Lake of Fire. I am certain that statement about the crux of the abortion issue lying between hand washing and killing children is accurate (and stupid), though I believe he actually called the children in his example three-year-olds.

Friday, March 21, 2008

21 March 2008

Romans go home!


Drillbit Taylor: Having seen Superbad, there is a strong temptation to declare this one unoriginal. Finally, a Judd Apatow movie that everyone else also thinks is unfunny. Original

Shutter: I don't remember if the spooky, dark-haired, ethereal little girls were actually present in the previews for Shutter or if I just got it mixed up with the dozens of Japanese horror remakes of the last ten years. The curveball here? This is a Thai horror remake. The not-curveball here? It sucks. Not original

Meet the Browns: Tyler Perry's latest movie strikes me, on the surface at least, as no less unoriginal than Drillbit Taylor, but this picture uses characters introduced in other Perry movies or plays. Seth Rogen's latest, on the other hand, just has characters that are pretty much the same as characters introduced in the other Rogen movie. Therefore, Rogen gets originaled and Perry gets Not original.


Planet B-Boy: Documentary about break dancing all over the world. Features many very premium dancers. Original

Irina Palm: A woman is forced to degrade and humiliate herself in order to help her grandchild. The bleakness is ramped up and the cruelty to fellow humans is exaggerated beyond reality. Behavior becomes a caricature and everything is terrible. Twist: not Lars von Trier related. Original

Love Songs: Musical interpretation of lovers in Paris. This is all I know. Original

Boarding Gate: I had more fun writing this when I had Michael Madsen confused with James Marsden. Despite the superior work of the former, though, this apparently sucks. Original

Fade: The synopsis reads like that Stephen King movie Thinner where a gypsy curse essentially gives a guy tapeworms to death, except with sleepiness. Some guy on IMDB thinks it's pretty hot stuff, though. (note: several guys on IMDB think Bar Starz is hot stuff, too). Original

Under the Same Moon: The story of a young Mexican boy crossing the border to join his mother in America. Original

the score:

week: 7-2
year: 69-28


week: 1-2
year: 21-17

Thursday, March 20, 2008

Talent 6

I just did a general search on an internet job board for anything with the keyword "editor." The vast majority of the results so far have been from a company called Talent 6.

First point - Talent 6 seems to be looking for people to be film extras. This relates to the keyword "editor" somehow?

Second point - Talent 6 is posting one of two different ads all over the country. Call me crazy, but I doubt the $300 a day promise holds up very often in Cicero Illinois, Valdosta Georgia, or Anchorage Alaska.

I imagine I have more experience than most people my age at looking at internet job boards. I spent nearly four months looking for work after graduation, and during that time I got exactly one interview. I was offered a position working the night shift behind a hotel desk. It was a 30 minute drive from my house (my parents' house), it ran from 11 p.m. to 7 a.m., it paid 8 dollars an hour, it offered no benefits, and one of the questions I was asked at my interview was "how do you feel about plunging toilets?"

I turned that one down and spent another month on the job boards, scouring. I posted a sort of open cover letter on Craigslist in about 45 different towns, and someone in Cincinnati read it. I was offered a job a little under four months from graduating - a six month contract.

I was looking for what was coming next before I was two months in. I liked the work well enough, but I was alone and miserable in Ohio. When I left they gave me some freelance work because they liked me and I liked them, but it didn't last. I spent four months before that job, and four months during that job looking for work.

I had two months of freelance work and after that I was one year out of graduation with eight months of experience, no prospects, and ten months of playing the job boards. I thought I had a job in sunny California, but that evaporated. My lady and I moved in with my brother to save some money, and I got unemployment.

Since September I have been steadily searching. Resume's updated, cover letters crafted meticulously, contacts made and feelers stretched out.

I had my very first interview this morning.

This one is for a temporary contract position scoring student writing tests. I have been led to understand that, should I pass muster, I might be able to get 6 weeks of work between now and June at the rate of $350 or so a week, gross. Did I mention this position requires a college degree? It's sort of a grad student and retiree gig, and it is the only interview I've had since October of 2006.

I haven't been picky, either. I applied to Borders and Harris Teeter and Barnes and Noble. I know the economy is laughably bad right now, but this is just absurd.

So if you have any leads, you know... I'm all ears.

MUSIC: guided by voices: little whirl

Friday, March 14, 2008

14 March 2008

"If we hit that bullseye, the rest of the dominoes should fall like a house of cards. Checkmate."


Horton Hears a Who: Watch your back Disney, the shittying-up-classic-children's-stories-with-animation-and-lame-contemporary-jokes industry is getting more and more crowded. Not original

Never Back Down: Djimon Hounsou, why? I hate to say that combining Fight Club and The Karate Kid makes a movie that's original, but there you are. Original

Doomsday: In the latest in the 28 (somethings) later series, years have passed and London has been forced to completely wall itself off from the hordes outside. After the zombies die off, the wall remains between the civilized city and the chaotic world of the survivors, who have developed an immunity to the disease as well as an anarchic Beyond Thunderdome-esque society. In an effort to judge the safety of the outside world many years after the Rage Virus has petered out as well as to retrieve, let's say, the notes of a pathologist who carefully documented her own infection and resistance, some broad in a bitchin' Camero has to venture beyond the wall. With her is a team of gun toting guards with 'tudes and possibly 'staches, one of whom has been ordered to make sure that, should any trace of the virus remain, none of them return. Wait, what? That's not necessarily the actual plot? And it's not a sequel? Or a remake? Or a car commercial? You've gotta be kidding me. Original


War Made Easy: "Learn history. Then change it." Documentary. Original

Heartbeat Detector: Based on the book by Francois Emmanuel, this has something to do with Big Business and Nazis. Not the metaphorical Big Business Nazis hippies are always on about. Not original

Sputnik Mania: Documentary. Original

Flash Point: A slightly tweaked sequel to S.P.L.: Sha po lang. I'm calling it Not original

Funny Games: Remake. See here. Not original

Sleep Walking: Directorial debut of Bill Maher, but not that Bill Maher. Original

Dying to Live: A documentary nominally about the director's own open heart surgery. Original

Chaos Theory: False Alarm! There is no Jeff Goldblum! Everyone just cool out, no Jeff Goldblum. Original

On Broadway: Is it just me, or is Will Arnett in absolutely everything lately? In the last year I count nine movies and two TV episodes. I mean, he's got two movies opening TODAY (making three for the month which is not even half over). Original

Blind Mountain: The tiny synopsis I found made me think of Dogville. If that's your thing then by all means, check it out... also, stay away from me and my family. Original

Meat Loaf: In Search of Paradise: Documentary about Meat Loaf and, apparently, his search for paradise. Original

the score:

week: 10-4
year: 62-26


week: 2-1
year: 20-15

Friday, March 07, 2008

7 March 2008

"Never trust a man in a blue trench coat. Never drive a car when you're dead."


10,000 B.C.: From the same asshole who brought you The Day After Tomorrow and Godzilla. It's sort of like the story of Moses mixed with the aforementioned movies and The Flintstones. Sound stupid? You bet! Original

The Bank Job: Hopefully the first in a series of ______ Job movies that will strive in vain to avoid jokes like this. Based on a true story (?). Not original

College Road Trip: Finally the deep and long-standing friendship between Martin Lawrence and Donny Osmond has been brought to the big screen. Original


Bar Starz: Did anyone see the Chappelle Show episodes where, Chappelle being absent, some of his backing performers functioned as painfully unfunny MCs between outtake-quality skits? This movie was made by those guys. Original

Cheung Gong 7 hou: Co-written by, directed by, and starring Stephen Chow. Some kind of a toy is involved. Original

Married Life: based on a book called Five Roundabouts to Heaven. Not original

Snow Angels: The new David Gordon Green picture (that's an endorsement in and of itself). Based on a novel of the same name. Not original

Paranoid Park: Gus Van Sant strikes back! Odds on male-male kiss: 1:1. Based on a novel of the same name. Not original

Miss Pettigrew Lives for a Day: From the director of the third Crow movie comes the fourth literary adaption in a row! It's almost like I planned this (By almost, I mean it would have worked better if I switched this one with the Van Sant picture). Not original

Girls Rock! If Jesus Camp left a bad taste, maybe it's time to give girl's rock and roll camp a try. Documentary. Original

Fighting for Life: A documentary following American military doctors in Iraq. Original

the score:

week: 6-5
year: 52-22


week: 2-1
year: 18-14

Friday, February 29, 2008

29 February 2008

"have you no shame? Get your dead ass up and fight me."


The Other Boleyn Girl: Fake British Accent Off! Not original

Semi-Pro: Fake Seventies Hair Off! Original

Penelope: Fake Absurd Nose Off! Not original


The Unforeseen: Documentary about development and sprawl in Austin, TX. Original

City of Men: Not a sequel to City of God, but almost. Original

EDIT: Jesse has caught on to the fact that this is a film adaptation of a Brazilian TV series. I know that the series was created by the same man who made City of God but whether the series was a spin-off or sequel depends on what source I look at. Either way this is based on the TV series of the same name, so Not original.

Chicago 10: Documentary about the Chicago Seven... and three more, I gather. Original

Chop Shop: Thankfully, this is not related to Barber Shop or Beauty Shop. Original

the score:

week: 4-3
year: 46-17


week: 1-2
year: 16-13

note: My bet for when the unoriginal overtakes the original in wide releases is by the end of March.

Friday, February 22, 2008

22 February 2008

"You eat other people's lunches? Stop it!"


Charlie Bartlett: This movie is a little too broadly unoriginal to get labeled as such. As Roger Ebert points out, it is derivative of every teen movie from the 80's you still like. Also, extra unoriginal points for casting Robert Downey Jr. as a depressive alcoholic. Original

Be Kind Rewind: I have been told that when a movie wants to include spoofs and riffs on a whole lot of other movies you can't expect anything better than Epic Movie and its ilk. Michel Gondry heard that too, and here is his answer. I don't know if it's great, but I know it's better than anything Jason Friedberg has been a part of. Not Original

Vantage Point: Spoiler Alert! William Hurt was cast as the president specifically to suggest the success of the attempted assassination. You heard it here first. Original

Witless Protection: Actual Character Names: Larry, Elmer, Gus, Tater, Wilford, Rondog. The release of this movie and a film about presidential assassination at the same time seems to be a not-so-subtle suggestion. Original


The Signal: Actual Character Names: Random Body, Deranged People, Random Body, Dead People At Party, Screaming Man, Struggling People, Severed Woman, Chainsaw Man, Hedge Clipper Steven. Also, the premise of this "greatest cult film of all time" seems to involve a TV signal that inspires people to kill. If you're a fan of seeing people fake-killed in absurd and unpleasant ways, by all means... Original

The Duchess of Langeais: Balzac novel. Not Original

Cover: Not a lot of press or information (Coverage... he he) for Cover. Original

State Legislature: Another of Wiseman's informatively-titled documentaries. This one's about the Idaho State Legislature. Original

The Score

week: 6-2
year: 42-14


week: 3-1
year: 15-11

Note: Sunday Night is the Oscars, and the Oscar score this year for full length features in contention is 20 original and 24 not. Also, the worst Oscar nominee this year (and maybe ever) is Norbit.

Friday, February 15, 2008

15 February 2008

You boys like Mexico?!


The Spiderwick Chronicles: Arachnids are used to melt wax. Not Original

Definitely, Maybe: Perhaps, possibly... did you say Ryan Reynolds? Abso-fucking-lutely not. Original

Step Up 2 Da Streets: Because tru thugz h8 titles without numberz. Not Orignal

Jumper: Atrocious wig. Also, no emperor/Obi Wan to kill/mangle Samuel/Hayden. Based on a novel (!) Not Original


Diary of the Dead: Sort of a BlairWitcherfield of the Living Dead. Not Original

Jodhaa Akbar: My Star Wars joke quota has been reached for the week. This is about an Indian Ruler. Not Original

Genghis Khan: To the Ends of the Earth and Sea: The title would have been shorter if it weren't for Pirates. Not Original

Vexille: Animated film built around the absurd premise that by 2077 U.N. weapons inspectors will be worth a damn. Original

The Caretaker: "A group of teenage boys out to give their girlfriends a good scare on Homecoming night, which also happens to be Halloween, head to an abandoned house in an out-of-the-way grapefruit orchard where they uncover the story of a real life urban legend, known as The Caretaker" -- OFFICIAL WEBSITE The part of this that's original is "grapefruit orchard" and "Caretaker." This is horror film as madlib. (I mean this in the least positive way possible) original

the Score:

week: 3-6
year: 36-12


week: 1-3
year: 12-10

Note: I am sure that the movie about Akbar or the movie about Genghis Khan are not only better, but more original in their execution and storytelling than The Caretaker. The two former films, however, are retellings of history while the latter is a nominally original waste of celluloid.

Friday, February 08, 2008

8 February 2008

"we are powerful despite our injuries."


Welcome Home Roscoe Jenkins: James Earl Jones hasn't appeared in a theatrical release in almost eight years. His presence is not indicative, at this point, of quality. Not terribly, but officially original.

Fools Gold: There was a line in another movie with Matthew McConaughey and Donald Sutherland that seems appropriate here. It starts with "yes," and ends with "hell!" Original.

Wild West Comedy Show: 30 Days & 30 Nights - Hollywood to the Heartland: According to previews, a portion of this film is a reenactment of Swingers, which makes this movie about as original as every party I went to in my first two years of college. Like the other wide release concert-type film this year, this movie has a title that is frankly ridiculous. Nominally original.


The Hottie and the Nottie: Starring Paris Hilton. Tagline: "That's Hot. That's Not." goddammit. Cliche and shitty. Original

A Walk to Beautiful: Documentary about Ethiopian women injured in childbirth. Original.

In Brughes: I can find no link between the writer-director and Guy Ritchie. This surprises me. Original.

How to Rob a Bank: The guy from Terminator 3 and the Swimfan costar. Also, the main character is named "Jinx" Taylor (and he is not a cat). A quick peek at rottentomatoes will reveal it to be terrible. Original.

Spiral: Telemarketing. Original.

The Score:

week: 8-0
year: 33-9


week: 3-0
year: 11-7

This is the first all original week. I find this hard to believe. If anyone catches wind of some of these being secret tricksy remakes like Mad Money let me know.

Also, this might be the worst week of releases I've seen this year. The highlight is Vince Vaughn using his name to get some B-list comedian friends some attention. Any promise of the limited releases is mitigated by a Paris Hilton vehicle and the presence of Erika Christensen.

Friday, February 01, 2008


(the comic book onomatopoeia for bragging)

MUSIC: the pogues: sunny side of the street

1 February 2008

Belly up to the buzzsaw.


Hannah Montana and Miley Cyrus: Best of Both Worlds Concert: Generally I think concert films count as documentaries and documentaries count as original, but in this case I'm willing to make an exception. TV show inspired concerts are out. Also, I recommend that if a local theater actually displays the entire title of this film on the marquee you should never go to that theater again. Not Original

The Eye: Remake of Hong Kong's Jian Gui. Also, it stars Jessica Alba as a concert violinist who sees dead people (or something). If Jessica Alba or derivative horror remakes do it for you, by all means check this out. If, however, the concert violinist angle piques your interest, you should probably steer clear of this one. Not Original

Strange Wilderness: Happy Madison has produced the following films which do not star Adam Sandler: Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo, The Animal, Joe Dirt, Master of Disguise, The Hot Chick, Dickie Roberts: Former Child Star, Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo, Grandma's Boy, The Benchwarmers, and Strange Wilderness. You've been warned. Original

Over Her Dead Body: Remember Ghost or Just Like Heaven or even Hello Again? The writer of this picture probably does, and, according to summaries and reviews, you will too if you watch Over Her Dead Body. Grudgingly Original


Caramel: Sex and the City in Beirut? That comment should be considered alongside the several comparisons being drawn between this film and those of Pedro Almodovar. Lebanon's official selection for the Best Foreign Language Oscar. Original

The Witnesses: The War on Aids? As much as America loves to declare war on things, this is a French picture. By all accounts, it's a good and important one, so it's no surprise that I won't be able to see it until a DVD release. Original

Praying With Lior: Lior is an oddly named young man with Downs Syndrome who is touted as having a close connection to God. This is a documentary about Lior and those around him as he moves toward his bar mitzvah. Original

Vivere: From IMDB: "On Christmas Eve, Francesca sets out for Rotterdam in order to find her little sister, who has run off with her musician boyfriend. On the way, she picks up Gerlinde, a heartbroken older woman at the end of her rope." Original

The Silence Before Bach: This sucker is tough to categorize or really think about without seeing it, but since it is at least nominally a Bach biopic (as near as I can tell) it gets the unoriginal label.

Build a Ship, Sail to Sadness: Scottish musical travelogue about a mobile disco. Super-8 pseudo-documentary. Original

The Score:

week: 7-3
year: 25-9

week: 2-2
year: 8-7

Since the originality of films receiving only limited release keeps the ratio high, I thought I would start keeping track of the originality of wide release films throughout the year. This is both to more accurately represent the films that most of us actually get a chance to see in theaters and to make my hypothesis about how many unoriginal things come out look stronger.