Friday, August 29, 2008

29 August 2008

"Never trust a man in a blue trench coat. Never drive a car when you're dead."


Babylon A.D.: not original

College: I'm pretty sure I liked this better when it was P.C.U. (or anything else). Original

Disaster Movie: This is probably what these guys should have called all of their movies. Not original

Traitor: Story by Steve Martin? That Steve Martin? (yes). Not original


My Mexican Shiva: You're dead to me, Mexico. Original

Sukiyaki Western Django: Were guns in existence in the 1100's? I'm pretty sure they weren't, but what the hell, Japanese Westerns are a-okay even if they're anachronistic nonsense. Original

Year of the Fish: Rotoscoped Cinderella story set in New York's Chinatown. Keyword: Massage Parlour. Original

Return to Goree: The week almost got by without any new Documentary releases... almost. Original


week: 5-2
year: 212-98


week: 1-3
year: 47-50

Friday, August 22, 2008

22 August 2008

"Unless, of course, war were declared."


Death Race: Paul W.S. Anderson, not to be confused with Paul T. Anderson or Wes Anderson. This is the one that sucks. Not original

The House Bunny: PLAYMATE HOUSE!! (just barely) original

The Longshots: Warnings: "Based on a true story" "Starring Ice Cube" "Directed by Fred Durst" Not original

The Rocker: The name of the writer (Wally Wolodarsky) is funnier than the whole concept. Original


Ballet Shoes: Not original

Cthulhu: That Cthulhu... starring Tori Spelling. Not original

Hamlet 2: I hope Steve Coogan can get some post Tropic Thunder attention for this. Original

I Served the King of England: Menzel is adapting his first Hrabel novel since Closely Watched Trains. Not original

I.O.U.S.A.: You don't wanna know. Original

Momma's Man: Writer/Director Azazel Jacobs takes a big risk putting "Momma" in the title and not casting Martin Lawrence. I hope he has a good lawyer. Original

Trouble the Water: The water is flood water... hence the trouble. Original

the score:

week: 6-5
year: 207-96


week: 2-2
year: 46-47

Friday, August 15, 2008

15 August 2008

"I think, the world, it will anoint me if I show it how I hold it"


Tropic Thunder: I feel like I'm taking crazy pills. Original

Mirrors: Even if I hadn't seen the preview to confirm, I'd bet a lot of money on this Asian horror remake having at least one creepy child in it. Not original

The Clone Wars: Hopefully the kid-pleasing (Jar Jar) aspect of this one is just the animation, and Lucas hasn't inserted some jive-talking sea elephant or a pink fluffy bunny jedi. Not original

Vicky Christina Barcelona: Scarlett Johansson is going to have sex with someone in a Woody Allen movie. This makes the movie at least in part unoriginal. Original


Anita O'Day: The Life of a Jazz Singer: Original

Blitzkrieg! Escape from Stalag 69: Nazisploitation. I'm not kidding. Original

Fly me to the Moon: Houseflies stow away on Apollo 11. This movie gets made and I don't have an agent yet.... Original

The Girl Cut in Two: Thankfully not connected with Eli Roth. Based on a true story. Not original

Henry Poole is Here: And Henry Poole is going to see some religious figure somewhere. I hope it's Ted Nugent in the woodgrain of a rifle stock. Original

Jack Brooks: Monster Slayer: I can't tell if this is a remake, but it looks about as unoriginal as can be either way, so I give it the Not original.

One Bad Cat: The Albert Wagner Story: There are a lot of coloned titles getting limited releases this week. Also, this is a documentary and Albert Wagner is not, in fact, a cat. Original

the score:

week: 7-4
year: 201-91


week: 2-2
year: 44-45

Monday, August 11, 2008

8 August 2008

"Fuck Jeff Goldblum!" (from Pineapple Express, apparently. Without seeing it, I guess it's the best line in the movie.)


Pineapple Express: I hope they paid a lot, David Gordon Green... Original

Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2: Did you know that the first movie was based on a novel? Not that that's an excuse. Not original


Amal: Thanks to Salman Rushdie, I know what the movies about simply by reading the title of the story it's based on, "Amal: The Autorickshaw Wallah." Not original

Beautiful Losers: Unrelated to the Leonard Cohen novel, which is really too bad. Original

Beer for My Horses: Starring and (co)written by Toby Keith! Ted Nugent costars! I assume PETA will be getting everyone involved jailed, since this is probably just an edited down tape of Keith and some friends (Claire Forlani?) force feeding their horses gallons of pbr. Original

Bottle Shock: I have become very interested in beer and wine production in the last month, and even I can't imagine a movie about making wine being very enjoyable. Not original

Elegy: It's Ben Kingsley! Let's all praise him! (The proprietor is still pissed about You Kill Me) Not original

Fire Under the Snow: Documentary about a Tibetan monk and his 33 years in jail. Original

Hell Ride: This is the 3rd Dennis Hopper picture in seven days... Original

The Neighbor: Based on the synopsis, I'm pretty sure this is that David Spade movie where he kidnapped a dog. Original

Patti Smith: Dream of Life: I think I would like this documentary more if it had kept it's working title ("Untitled Patti Smith Project"). Original

Red: Brian Cox is going on a revenge spree after three kids kill his dog. No, seriously. Not original

What We Do in Secret: is apparently write biopics about people no one's ever heard of. Does anyone know who Darby Crash is (was? I dunno)? Not original

Wrangler: Anatomy of an Icon: I don't know who this guy is, but I find it off-putting that a man who produced so much pornography is named Wrangler. Original

the score:

week: 8-6
year: 194-87


week: 1-1
year: 42-43

note: late. But I did finish another script last week, and I need some readers. volunteers?

Friday, August 01, 2008

1 August 2008

"No more goat soup"


The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor: Finally, a movie featuring the terra cotta army AND yetis. Not original

Swing Vote: In the second dream pairing of the weekend, Willie Nelson and Judge Reinhold share the screen. Original

Midnight Meat Train: After years of trying unsuccessfully to get Clive Barker to let them abandon his story and make a terrible adult film, some studio caved in and actually made a film based on the story. Not original


The Square: Directed and produced by Nash Edgerton. Written and produced by and starring Joel Edgerton (that's Owen Lars from the new Star Wars trilogy to you). Original

America the Beautiful: Is America dangerously obsessed with appearance? Does phrasing the question this way make it obvious how the documentary will answer it? Original

Frozen River: What are the people who smuggle people across the northern border into the US called? Timber wolves? Original

In Search of a Midnight Kiss: This movie takes place on New Years Eve. You now know the entire plot. Original

the score:

week: 5-2
year: 186-81


week: 1-2
year: 41-42