Friday, April 11, 2008

11 April 2008

"Oh man, those first 400 bites of dirt were not so good. Maybe the next one will be better."

wide:

Prom Night: "I heard prom night was the bomb night with a hoodrat you can squeeze tight." "Alas, Skee-Lo, you were misinformed." Not original

Street Kings: The widest release this year to feature so many fake named people. Cedric the Entertainer, The Game, Common, and some ass who calls himself Keanu, I assume having adopted and misspelled the name of his favorite Mortal Kombat character. Not original

Smart People: Based on the prominent mustacio of Thomas Hayden Church in the previews, I am forced to assume that this film was financed by the mustache lobby to change the mustache's image from child molesters, villains, and the monopoly guy to "smart people." Original

limited:

Bra Boys: Think "s'up, bra," not "boy, I sure like wearing slinky bras." Documentary about, get this, a notorious surf gang. Australia is living Point Break. Original

Dark Matter: Dissertation gets passed over for Nobel, dissertation author kills. Based on a true story (?!) from University of Iowa. Not original

Dhamma Brothers: Alabama prison plus ancient meditation program equals irresistible documentary topic. I don't blame you, Andrew Kukura, Jenny Philips, and Anne Marie Stein. Original

A Four Letter Word: I cannot compete with this IMDB summary: "When Luke enters the gay bar flanked by his sidekicks, he doesn't know that he is about to meet his match-in hot macho man Stephen." Original

Never Forever: Couple can't have child, so naturally the wife decides to have a hot naked affair with a migrant worker. Original

Super High Me: With a title that creative, is it any wonder that the movie is about a guy smoking a lot of pot? Original

The Visitor: Spoiler: the visitor is the guy who lives there. Original

Young and Restless in China: either a documentary about young people in China or a documentary about the hopefully-real Chinese version of the similarly titled soap. Original

Young @ Heart: I hate the title of this movie so much that I want to destroy it. How's this, old people in the movie singing U2's "One" in a triumphant acapella old person unity moment, "One" is about a transvestite with HIV confessing to his alienated and hateful father! Bam, how're those conservative Christian morals now! Original

the score:

week: 9-3
year: 91-39

wide:

week: 1-2
year: 25-23

4 comments:

Plaid Avenger said...

I have heard of almost none of these. Amazing

the proprietor... said...

Just doin' my job, sir. Also, look at how much bigger the originality gap grows between wide releases and all releases. By the end of the year I'll need to be able to pretend I understand statistics to properly comment on it.

Jesse said...

Open minds welcome writers and need not mercenaries. Statistics schmatistics.

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