Friday, March 28, 2008

28 March 2008

"Business is booming. Business of givin' you the business..."


Stop-Loss: The main character's name is (a) Private Khan, (b) Major Caesar, (c) Lieutenant Pharaoh, (d) Sergeant King, (e) Captain Lord, (f) Admiral President? Original

Run, Fat Boy, Run: We switched Simon Pegg's long time filmmaking partner Edgar Wright with delicious Folgers Crystals. Let's see if he notices. Original

Superhero Movie: goddammit. Not original

21: Blackjack, sure, but it's also the drinking age. Coincidence, I think not. Not original


The Cool School: Documentary about the LA art scene (<--most pretentious sentence ever). Original

My Brother is an Only Child:
Hopefully not because I am a ghost. Not original

Aleksandra: Sokurov! Original

American Zombie: A movie about zombies living in LA seems like it shouldn't be considered Original

Chapter 27: Mark David Chapman. Not original

Who's Your Monkey: Also known as "Throwing Stars." Tagline: "Don't stop 'till you drop." Your guess = good as mine. Original, I guess

Flow: For Love of Water: documentary. original

Shotgun Stories: Three feuding brothers who are apparently named Son Hayes, Kid Hayes, and Boy Hayes. I wish I were kidding. Original

the score:

week: 7-5
year: 76-33


week: 2-2
year: 23-19

note: The wide release pictures have gotten through another month without being mostly unoriginal. Can they survive April?

(answer to Stop-Loss quiz: D)

Monday, March 24, 2008

terrible movie idea

Henry Rollins and Noam Chomsky in a small room with a list of complicated topics to discuss. Consider using boi-oing spring sound effect every time some one says something really simple and obvious as though it is an astounding revelation.

Consider splicing in comments from Weird Al or Alice Cooper.

Alternative to spring noise: pop-up text. Example:


When people wash their hands with antibacterial hand soap, they are destroying skin cells that could, at some point, be used to create a human being, but there are no pro-life protests when I wash my hands--

(pop-up: This is true. There are also no pro-choice advocates who favor Jonathan Swift's A Modest Proposal as a practical solution to overpopulation.)

--so clearly the answer lies somewhere between washing my hands and killing kindergarteners.

MUSIC: tom waits: big joe and phantom309

Note: the above Chomsky line is paraphrased from the documentary Lake of Fire. I am certain that statement about the crux of the abortion issue lying between hand washing and killing children is accurate (and stupid), though I believe he actually called the children in his example three-year-olds.

Friday, March 21, 2008

21 March 2008

Romans go home!


Drillbit Taylor: Having seen Superbad, there is a strong temptation to declare this one unoriginal. Finally, a Judd Apatow movie that everyone else also thinks is unfunny. Original

Shutter: I don't remember if the spooky, dark-haired, ethereal little girls were actually present in the previews for Shutter or if I just got it mixed up with the dozens of Japanese horror remakes of the last ten years. The curveball here? This is a Thai horror remake. The not-curveball here? It sucks. Not original

Meet the Browns: Tyler Perry's latest movie strikes me, on the surface at least, as no less unoriginal than Drillbit Taylor, but this picture uses characters introduced in other Perry movies or plays. Seth Rogen's latest, on the other hand, just has characters that are pretty much the same as characters introduced in the other Rogen movie. Therefore, Rogen gets originaled and Perry gets Not original.


Planet B-Boy: Documentary about break dancing all over the world. Features many very premium dancers. Original

Irina Palm: A woman is forced to degrade and humiliate herself in order to help her grandchild. The bleakness is ramped up and the cruelty to fellow humans is exaggerated beyond reality. Behavior becomes a caricature and everything is terrible. Twist: not Lars von Trier related. Original

Love Songs: Musical interpretation of lovers in Paris. This is all I know. Original

Boarding Gate: I had more fun writing this when I had Michael Madsen confused with James Marsden. Despite the superior work of the former, though, this apparently sucks. Original

Fade: The synopsis reads like that Stephen King movie Thinner where a gypsy curse essentially gives a guy tapeworms to death, except with sleepiness. Some guy on IMDB thinks it's pretty hot stuff, though. (note: several guys on IMDB think Bar Starz is hot stuff, too). Original

Under the Same Moon: The story of a young Mexican boy crossing the border to join his mother in America. Original

the score:

week: 7-2
year: 69-28


week: 1-2
year: 21-17

Thursday, March 20, 2008

Talent 6

I just did a general search on an internet job board for anything with the keyword "editor." The vast majority of the results so far have been from a company called Talent 6.

First point - Talent 6 seems to be looking for people to be film extras. This relates to the keyword "editor" somehow?

Second point - Talent 6 is posting one of two different ads all over the country. Call me crazy, but I doubt the $300 a day promise holds up very often in Cicero Illinois, Valdosta Georgia, or Anchorage Alaska.

I imagine I have more experience than most people my age at looking at internet job boards. I spent nearly four months looking for work after graduation, and during that time I got exactly one interview. I was offered a position working the night shift behind a hotel desk. It was a 30 minute drive from my house (my parents' house), it ran from 11 p.m. to 7 a.m., it paid 8 dollars an hour, it offered no benefits, and one of the questions I was asked at my interview was "how do you feel about plunging toilets?"

I turned that one down and spent another month on the job boards, scouring. I posted a sort of open cover letter on Craigslist in about 45 different towns, and someone in Cincinnati read it. I was offered a job a little under four months from graduating - a six month contract.

I was looking for what was coming next before I was two months in. I liked the work well enough, but I was alone and miserable in Ohio. When I left they gave me some freelance work because they liked me and I liked them, but it didn't last. I spent four months before that job, and four months during that job looking for work.

I had two months of freelance work and after that I was one year out of graduation with eight months of experience, no prospects, and ten months of playing the job boards. I thought I had a job in sunny California, but that evaporated. My lady and I moved in with my brother to save some money, and I got unemployment.

Since September I have been steadily searching. Resume's updated, cover letters crafted meticulously, contacts made and feelers stretched out.

I had my very first interview this morning.

This one is for a temporary contract position scoring student writing tests. I have been led to understand that, should I pass muster, I might be able to get 6 weeks of work between now and June at the rate of $350 or so a week, gross. Did I mention this position requires a college degree? It's sort of a grad student and retiree gig, and it is the only interview I've had since October of 2006.

I haven't been picky, either. I applied to Borders and Harris Teeter and Barnes and Noble. I know the economy is laughably bad right now, but this is just absurd.

So if you have any leads, you know... I'm all ears.

MUSIC: guided by voices: little whirl

Friday, March 14, 2008

14 March 2008

"If we hit that bullseye, the rest of the dominoes should fall like a house of cards. Checkmate."


Horton Hears a Who: Watch your back Disney, the shittying-up-classic-children's-stories-with-animation-and-lame-contemporary-jokes industry is getting more and more crowded. Not original

Never Back Down: Djimon Hounsou, why? I hate to say that combining Fight Club and The Karate Kid makes a movie that's original, but there you are. Original

Doomsday: In the latest in the 28 (somethings) later series, years have passed and London has been forced to completely wall itself off from the hordes outside. After the zombies die off, the wall remains between the civilized city and the chaotic world of the survivors, who have developed an immunity to the disease as well as an anarchic Beyond Thunderdome-esque society. In an effort to judge the safety of the outside world many years after the Rage Virus has petered out as well as to retrieve, let's say, the notes of a pathologist who carefully documented her own infection and resistance, some broad in a bitchin' Camero has to venture beyond the wall. With her is a team of gun toting guards with 'tudes and possibly 'staches, one of whom has been ordered to make sure that, should any trace of the virus remain, none of them return. Wait, what? That's not necessarily the actual plot? And it's not a sequel? Or a remake? Or a car commercial? You've gotta be kidding me. Original


War Made Easy: "Learn history. Then change it." Documentary. Original

Heartbeat Detector: Based on the book by Francois Emmanuel, this has something to do with Big Business and Nazis. Not the metaphorical Big Business Nazis hippies are always on about. Not original

Sputnik Mania: Documentary. Original

Flash Point: A slightly tweaked sequel to S.P.L.: Sha po lang. I'm calling it Not original

Funny Games: Remake. See here. Not original

Sleep Walking: Directorial debut of Bill Maher, but not that Bill Maher. Original

Dying to Live: A documentary nominally about the director's own open heart surgery. Original

Chaos Theory: False Alarm! There is no Jeff Goldblum! Everyone just cool out, no Jeff Goldblum. Original

On Broadway: Is it just me, or is Will Arnett in absolutely everything lately? In the last year I count nine movies and two TV episodes. I mean, he's got two movies opening TODAY (making three for the month which is not even half over). Original

Blind Mountain: The tiny synopsis I found made me think of Dogville. If that's your thing then by all means, check it out... also, stay away from me and my family. Original

Meat Loaf: In Search of Paradise: Documentary about Meat Loaf and, apparently, his search for paradise. Original

the score:

week: 10-4
year: 62-26


week: 2-1
year: 20-15

Friday, March 07, 2008

7 March 2008

"Never trust a man in a blue trench coat. Never drive a car when you're dead."


10,000 B.C.: From the same asshole who brought you The Day After Tomorrow and Godzilla. It's sort of like the story of Moses mixed with the aforementioned movies and The Flintstones. Sound stupid? You bet! Original

The Bank Job: Hopefully the first in a series of ______ Job movies that will strive in vain to avoid jokes like this. Based on a true story (?). Not original

College Road Trip: Finally the deep and long-standing friendship between Martin Lawrence and Donny Osmond has been brought to the big screen. Original


Bar Starz: Did anyone see the Chappelle Show episodes where, Chappelle being absent, some of his backing performers functioned as painfully unfunny MCs between outtake-quality skits? This movie was made by those guys. Original

Cheung Gong 7 hou: Co-written by, directed by, and starring Stephen Chow. Some kind of a toy is involved. Original

Married Life: based on a book called Five Roundabouts to Heaven. Not original

Snow Angels: The new David Gordon Green picture (that's an endorsement in and of itself). Based on a novel of the same name. Not original

Paranoid Park: Gus Van Sant strikes back! Odds on male-male kiss: 1:1. Based on a novel of the same name. Not original

Miss Pettigrew Lives for a Day: From the director of the third Crow movie comes the fourth literary adaption in a row! It's almost like I planned this (By almost, I mean it would have worked better if I switched this one with the Van Sant picture). Not original

Girls Rock! If Jesus Camp left a bad taste, maybe it's time to give girl's rock and roll camp a try. Documentary. Original

Fighting for Life: A documentary following American military doctors in Iraq. Original

the score:

week: 6-5
year: 52-22


week: 2-1
year: 18-14