Sunday, February 27, 2005

all right, so

I've got this project for one of my classes that requires me to follow a couple of newspapers for a while and see how they cover a certain issue dealing with civil rights. I thought, well, maybe I can use my local paper back home.

So I went to take a look at the old Asheville Citizen-Times, and what did I find? Why, it appears to be a completely insane letter to the editor. And I quote:

"In the grand scheme, we’re all
faster than a speeding bullet
This is in response to the letter, “Has a few suggestions for local math freaks,” (AC-T, Feb. 12). I don’t have any suggestions but I do have a request to make, and not necessarily from those on the highest level of mathematics but from anyone who might be able, arithmetically, to corroborate or to disprove a conclusion at which I have just arrived. A conclusion which, even though I believe it to be correct, is totally beyond my comprehension.
Although it was once believed that the earth was flat and stationary, around which the entire universe revolved, we know now that it is a globe revolving around a star, a nuclear furnace fueled by atomic fusion, 93 million miles distant. Which gives us the radius of our yearly orbit and from which, with the assistance of pi, we can calculate that the orbit measures 584 million miles.
Dividing this by the number of seconds in a year, 32 million (60 x 60 x 24 x 365) I calculate that our planet is traveling 18 miles per second (mps).
Dividing 18 mps by .4 mps (the speed of a rifle bullet), we come to the conclusion, with which mathematicians and creationists might or might not agree, that our planet is moving through space 45 times faster than the speed of a bullet.
Irv Filler,

Holy crap! Of course my first thought about this is that the man's name, "Filler," suggests that it is indeed a pseudonym and the op-ed editor just ran out of decent letters to publish. But maybe not. I mean... wow.

Anyway, last night I went to the green cat and listened to truly horrible music and drank little bottles of beer because they ran out of everything on tap. On a saturday night. I'm so disturbed by this I refuse to CAPitalize PrOPerLy. Wouldn't it have been easier to just go back and capitalize the 's' in Saturday? I mean, rather than capitalize all that random crap just to make it look like you'd done the 's' thing on purpose? Well, maybe.

I'm writing a concept album now. And the worst screenplay ever. And a series of letters I'll never send. And, clearly, a frankly obscene amount of blog material.

and tomorrow's my last allowed day of opulence before I start starving myself for the sake of travel. AmsterDamn I'm good.

MUSIC: electrelane: birds
AND: vocal shrapnel: rs

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