look, it's my eye!

look, it's my eye!
Originally uploaded by Vocal Shrapnel.

Holy crap has it ever been a long time since I posted... Here's the story in brief. my car exploded a lot, I partied too much, hurricanes hit, I got contacts.

This is a picture of my eye as taken by a terrifying machine at a place called Tunnel Vision. They gave me contacts. God gave me astigmatism, so now I worship Tunnel Vision. all hail.

Oak Ridge kids, if I haven't exhausted your patience... if you still, in fact, read this thing, I'm coming. I'm thinking Tuesday maybe... we'll see how the schedule goes.

And of course I may get trampled at the street festival this weekend.

MUSIC: aimee mann: save me

Pittsburgh: City of Lost Children!

Pittsburgh
Originally uploaded by Vocal Shrapnel.

I'm back! And there are pictures up and I'll update and it'll be awesome... but right now the pictures are as awesome as it gets.

And, this is key, and it's for Jesse. Driving back I was listening to the Mountain Goats... it was dope, but I was tired. So I switched over to a CD I had burned that started with Hip Hop Phenomenon. Within one minute of the cd switch, we passed the Girls Gone Wild "party bus."

It's all in the soundtrack. welcome back to the states, sir.

"breathe into my hand...

...I'll cup it like a glass to drink from..."

That quote is connected to my post somehow. Watch for it, I'll get there eventually.

So Friday at noon family shows up. That kid looming over the cake in the picture below... He's one of 'em. Already young kids mean not getting to sleep until noon, right? So On top of that I've got double shifts all weekend. Lots of fun, huh? So here's where my ass gets kicked:

Saturday is Pete's birthday. I work until 10, and I know Pete has to get up for work at 5. So to save time and allow him a little more sleep, I have this brilliant idea of buying lots of beer and wine and taking it home to drink there. But Pete doesn't know. So Malcolm and I decide to go get him at his other work... but first we have to get rid of those beers we opened. Beer number three for each of us is gone in under a minute, and off we go.

At the other restaurant, the Grape Escape, the owner of Little Venice (where Malcolm and I work) offers to buy us drinks. we accept, but we have to drink fast. Really fast. The night continues a pace and I go to work at 11 the next morning.

That night is Doug's last night. We go out for drinks... we buy a bunch more and go home. Repeat process but add Doug and MST3K dvds.

I go into work at noon after two nights of drinking until 5. I was partied out.

Now, tonight I saw Romero's latest zombie masterpiece. Well... it's not. a masterpiece, I mean. There're some sweet zombie scenes, but it's a little depressing when the best developed character in a movie is among the undead.

But there was a brief lesbian scene in the film, and the song quoted earlier is from a much longer lesbian scene in the seminal lesbian film But I'm a Cheerleader. Check it out... I told you it related.

MUSIC: trembling blue stars: letter never sent

This is a knife!

This is a knife!
Originally uploaded by Vocal Shrapnel.

Goddamn weekend. Partied out.

MUSIC: joan of arc: a party able model of

Who wants wings?

P1000132
Originally uploaded by Vocal Shrapnel.

look at this picture and revel in it's vileness... and then go look at pictures from Shleeve's birthday. I switched over to Flickr because it's prettier and therefore better... just like Pete.

"destination venus,

..more than darkness lies between us -- twenty million miles of weakness... human bleakness..."

So my ass hasn't been kicked like this in a movie theater since Undertow.

All right, so it's taken over a month, but by god I have pictures up from Brno. The limited number of albums I'm given forces me to consolidate, so go here and look past the first ten or so. it starts with a lovely sunset... then it gets less lovely. Everyone was a little intoxicated and... well.. thank god I was holding the camera.

So I'm going to pittsburg for some absurd reason on the third. Someone's having a cookout that I'll miss. It's a crime.

In other news, the gout is mad in check. I'm not supposed to hear from it again for something like a decade if I keep up with the running around and eating nothing good.

And pretty soon somebody's gonna be... somewhere... um... I think maybe there should be... I dunno... an epic party or something. I am the master of subtilty...

and spelling.

MUSIC: the reindeer section: sting

holy crap! If you've noticed, the Corey Feldman link doesn't work, but type it in and check it out. This is just one example of the treasures buried there. 

"we're not so great...

...cause we're of normal height..."

I promise a real post will be here as soon as my computer stops being an ass, but for now, I just had to say that I only just noticed what I'm linked as on Jess's page.

totally sweet.

Look, A package from Malcovsky... what could be in it...? 

A Super Troopers bottle opener?! I'm the coolest kid on the block now! 

I bought this thing, so it's getting test run on Pete's self portrait from back in the day. 

look at me cave in to peer pressure

Your #1 Match: INTP

The Thinker You are analytical and logical - and on a quest to learn everything you can. Smart and complex, you always love a new intellectual challenge. Your biggest pet peeve is people who slow you down with trivial chit chat. A quiet maverick, you tend to ignore rules and authority whenever you feel like it. You would make an excellent mathematician, programmer, or professor.

Your #2 Match: ENTP

The Visionary You are charming, outgoing, friendly. You make a good first impression. You possess good negotiating skills and can convince anyone of anything. Happy to be the center of attention, you love to tell stories and show off. You're very clever, but not disciplined enough to do well in structured environments. You would make a great entrpreneur, marketing executive, or actor.

Your #3 Match: INFP

The Idealist You are creative with a great imagination, living in your own inner world. Open minded and accepting, you strive for harmony in your important relationships. It takes a long time for people to get to know you. You are hesitant to let people get close. But once you care for someone, you do everything you can to help them grow and develop. You would make an excellent writer, psychologist, or artist.

What's Your Personality Type?

"the reports of my death...

...have been greatly exaggerated."

But I am finding myself somewhat unwilling to use the computer for anything other than the assloads of typing I've been doing.

My room is tiny, but it won't get clean. I deposited my first check today. I shaved and I washed clothes.

We have new, all black uniforms at work. I think it's creepy, but it seems to work well. So Saturday, being a big night usually, I bust out my new black gothic over the top shirt. It's a little shiny, and striped and has cuffs with cufflinks. That and a tastefully gold tie. I was well dressed, far be it from me to claim to have been looking good, but I was well dressed...

And I made next to nothing.

The best I got was a pair of gay stereotypes eying me and asking if everyone was supposed to be wearing a tie or if I was "just a freak or something?" Like, OMG.

But seriously...

My stepbrother called me around nine and told me it was an emergency. I took the phone outside beginning to be concerned, and he said he desperately needed to know what movie to rent. Asshole.

I told him real genius, and he got it, but he also got the 5 obstructions, so we watched that until he and our guest started to fall asleep. Two Obstructions down. Bring it on, Lars Von Trier.

MUSIC: viva voce - let's bend light

Silly hat day. and those are screwdrivers you see. 

Cara is up by 2,

but victory is not imminent. But she already wins because she's reading Pirates! In an Adventure with Scientists! A Novel right now.

I had the size sticker on my pants all day at work. Perhaps my small tips were reflecting the fact that I can clearly afford new pants, so must not need them too badly.

MUSIC: the sugarcubes: traitor

It's like launchcast, only without skipping...

Itunes is consolodating and set on random. That means that it's playing whatever, and I can't skip. It's out of my control!

green day - brain stew
interpol - say hello to the angels
the decembrists - leslie anne devine
pinback - starfish
oingo boing - weird science
crooked fingers - there's a blue light

that is all

I had some brilliant plan...

...of what to write here last night, but I fell asleep instead. I don't remember what it was.

So it's my job to make sure that people get served. Sometimes the money's even okay. The summer is what it always is here, and I'm fighting. Today I learned how to run another register, which makes something like a dozen throughout my sordid little job history.

My brother has an ipod and I have itunes and I want to have a car. Bandana Matt is still illegal, and until he gets his documents in order, he's not allowed off the ranch. I speak in idiocy when it's this late and I've been working all day, but at least I'm even trying to post.

Today was Katie's birthday, and she's sixteen. Thanks to NC law, however, you won't have to stay off the roads until September. Pete decided to usher her into the world of nigh-adulthood by signing her card 'eat my ass - Pete.' Ah, maturity.

Once again I got her a pair of books for the occassion, one she can appreciate now, and one (hopefully) later. No Rushdie this year... probably because of the rush in ye olde barnes and noble.

So I give up. Tomorrow maybe I'll do something more clever, as I have the day off.

Welcome to the US of A, Malcovsky.

First thing I bought with my work money: the soft bulletin

MUSIC: jet by day: worldwide

okay. We're back.

I told the blogger authorities that my blog is dead and no one cares, and by the time they responded, it was back.

Hey, look at this. stupidity, it seems, is worldwide.

And I pirated an Alan Partridge and I bought tiny little pads on which to write orders. I have an apron. I get tips.

word for the day is austensibly.

MUSIC: juliana hatfield: cool rock boy

what the hell...

...is going on with my blog?

MUSIC: casiotone for the painfully alone: secretest crush

Someone stole the mops,

then they trained me for waitering, then half the kitchen staff quit. I've got a good feeling.

And speaking of good feelings, here's what my joint horoscope is with myself.

"Robin Hood had his band of Merry Men, and right now, so should you (although more diverse, of course). You're not robbing anyone either -- instead, you're all about having good times, and you and your friend aren't shy about spreading the wealth (of fun), either. Well, you can't party forever ... things have to wind down at some point, don't they? No way! Keep it going. When you start feeling sleepy, don't stop the proceedings. Just switch gears -- throw an old-fashioned slumber party instead."

So it seems I'm really spreading on the joy hanging out with my good friend... and that friend and I shared a name... Me!

Cara's winning. She's probably already a better sailor than you, and odds are if you're a regular reader of my work here, she's probably cuter, too... so at least attempt to prove your superiority in guessing songs on my playlist based on tiny, tiny lyric quotations.

Oh, and I was wrong about that digital camera working now. I am accursed.

MUSIC: the arcade fire: I'm sleeping in a submarine

PS-I know I'll have to justify that cuteness statement to some of my cuter readers. Let me just say that I operate under the assumption that most (probably not by a large margin) of my readers are dudes, and therefore, from my heterosexual perspective, she'd automatically be cuter than you. So that's why odds are she's cuter than you. at least that's all I'm saying about it here and now. this hole is deep enough.