Friday, June 13, 2008

13 June 2008

"How 'bout a bumper sandwich, boogerlips?!"


The Incredible Hulk: Spoiler Alert: That's William Hurt, not Ted Levine. Don't let the mustache fool you. Not original

The Happening: More like the Cra... no, no... seriously, I'm sure it's good. Unless the twist is that it's actually bad the whole time, only Haley Osment can't tell. Original


Baghead: Think Leatherface, only stupid on purpose (and not as stupid). Original

Chris and Don: A Love Story: Documentary about the the long-lasting relationship between a British writer , an American artist, and the most generic title ever. Original

Encounters at the end of the World: Holy shit, Werner Herzog was in Antarctica! Tell me somebody warned Antarctica. Is it still there? Did he push a boat over it? Original

Love Comes Lately: Amorous old man. Based on the stories of Issac Bashevis Singer. Not original

My Winnipeg: That's Guy Maddin's Winnipeg, not yours. Original

Quid Pro Quo: Because of the curvy, colorful poster images that use a lot of blue, I thought that there was a typo and that this was some sort of a squid picture. Alas I am mistaken. Original

To the Limit: "Every body to the limit, the Cheat is to the limit! Everybody come on Fhqwhgads." Original

the score:

week: 7-2
year: 146-63


week: 1-1
year: 34-32

note: The new Jan Hrebejk (Divided We Fall, Horem Padem) film is playing in limited release, but it was originally released in 2006 so it doesn't get included in the count. See it all the same.


Plaid Avenger said...

I wish deeply and STRIDENTLY that there was in fact a film called Squid Pro Quo.

I think we either have a new film or a new custom.

Also, The Happening is only marginally better than Lady in the Water, which is to say, The Happening is a truly terrible film.

the proprietor... said...

I will be finding out for myself this afternoon... pray for me.

the proprietor... said...

Okay... so it's done. I am floored by how unbelievably bad this was. I would warn about spoilers but, it would be impossible to spoil this nightmare, plus I don't think it'll make sense unless you've seen it.

-Show don't tell, Mr. Night. ("Call Mommy! Call Mommy! Call Mommy!" As John Leguizamo calls Mommy)

-Hot dogs!?

-That was a boom! You didn't notice the fucking boom in the shot?

-This is rated R because of what, exactly?

-I have seen better CGI on children's drawings.

-Old woman living alone in pennsylvania, angry at the world and ignorant of it = M. Night Shyamalan.

-Tiramisu? Really.

-I have a math riddle for you: multiply exponentially and try not to be in the car in a minute because something laughably stupid/fatal will happen. You, ma'am have failed on both counts.

-Generally when one decides that the best course of action is to stay ahead of the wind, one should start moving fairly soon after making that statement and not stand around watching the wind approach for several seconds.

-movies I have watched this year that are better than this (not ALL the movies that are better then this, I don't have that kind of time): Basic Instinct 2, UHF, Beowulf, Rambo.

-I want my money back.

Andrew said...

Is, uh...

is that quote from that Ernest Halloween movie?

Where the secret ingredient is love?

the proprietor... said...

Yes. Though I forgot the love part and just remembered the confusion over Milk vs. Miak.

Plaid Avenger said...

The only defense I can make is that a boom mike in a shot usually means that the projectionist didn't properly frame the film up in the booth. Beyond the aspect ratio you can still see crew stuff, mics, etc. 98% of the time, that's what's happening. If I see this on TBS one day and then I see a boom mic, well, then we'll know for sure.

But, yeah, you can't fucking outrun wind, five year olds know that. Dumbest chase scene ever.

I'm not actually angry this time, and I'll write more about that later. His films have begun to occupy a cultish category outside of good or bad (though this one, and Lady in the Water, are undeniably awful films). It's not camp. It's not good. It's not bad. It's fingernails on a chalkboard. But from the genius who made Signs and Unbreakable, what the hell is going on?