Friday, August 03, 2007

Son, we sent Margot to live on a farm.

When I was a kid way back in Mocksville , I had a dog named Mutt. He got hit by a truck and got beaten up by a few cars, but he was a tough old bastard. One day when a neighbor was playing on a giant pile of mulch in our driveway (don't ask), he was bitten by his dog.

He liked his dog, so he claimed Mutt did it. It was decided that Mutt was a crotchety, child-biting mongrel. The only thing to do, my father and the kid's father determined, was to have Mutt humanely shot full of chemicals and killed. As I was only about 8 at the time, my father did not tell me that he had my dog euthanized. He instead told me that Mutt had been sent to live on a farm.

Well, son... I know you really liked old Gunmetal Margot... but... remember your old dog, Mutt?

Well... you're 25 now, so I'll tell you the truth. Mutt bit some kid and we put him down. And Margot... well, she got old and useless and has inoperable problems... basically the hobbit that turns the crank case is depressed and needs therapy. We need to get us a new hobbit. They's from the land beyond time... Land beyond time's also gonna hook us up with a unicorn for the radiator. I ain't even gonna tell you 'bout that haunted air condition. Then that air filter, that's made of plutonium, that's gonna require superman, so, you know, plus shipping from krypton. Then the cow, Jumped over the moon. So... we donated her to blind children or something.

May Gunmetal Margot rest in peace.

In a related story, I believe I am in contention for two positions at one company, and neither of the hire-ers is aware of the other seeking me. Hopefully this is all for the good.

Also, I went to a drive in and saw Harry Potter. Let me do some capsule reviews, in fact:

Harry Potter: Who is that seemingly nice besweatered fascist nailing up proclamations curtailing freedom and the Geneva Convention in the name of confused denial and governmental stupidity? For letting Gary Oldman use the costumes and hairstyles he took from his daylight Dracula escapades and casting Laura Bush as herself, I give you the rating of 2 tacos and 2 tostadas.

(Note about ratings: ratings based on the order of the talking hand Jennifer Lopez from that episode of South Park in her #1 hit song "Taco Flavored Kisses." The full order is "3 tacos, 2 tostadas, and a soda pop.")

Sunshine: The last half hour of this movie is so at odds with the rest of the picture that it's hard to imagine it didn't change hands. It feels like Danny Boyle was forced to change an ending that didn't test well or perhaps suffered horrible brain trauma or maybe thought it would be funny to edit in Event Horizon outtakes over the actual suspenseful or poetic (or both) ending he actually made. 2 tacos, 1 tostada, and a soda pop. (before last half hour: 3 tacos, 2 tostadas).

Once: You are lovely and shot well and very pleasant. I like your music a lot. There's some Czech in there, too. And you make me want to go to Dublin a lot. I wonder if it was really such a great idea to play that one song so much, though. I mean, it's good, but can you really afford to play a song 3 times in a 90 minute picture? 3 tacos, 2 tostadas.

Crazy Love: I know what you're thinking... does this movie star Julia Stiles? No, it does not. In fact, it is a documentary about a man who blinded the woman he loved with acid, went to prison, and then got out to marry her. They have been together now for some 30 years or so. The story is interesting, but the film is more of an extended episode of A&E's Biography show than a great piece of documentary filmmaking. 3 tacos, 2 tostadas.

DVD viewing:

Badlands: 3 tacos, 2 tostadas, and a soda pop
Mirrormask: 2 tacos, 2 tostadas, and a soda pop
Undertow: 3 tacos, 2 tostadas, and a soda pop
Mulholland Drive: 3 tacos, 1 tostada, and a soda pop
The Battle of Algiers: 3 tacos, 2 tostadas, and a soda pop

Also, here is a picture from the Yucatan Coast. It is just as hot here, but not as pretty.

MUSIC: the mountain goats: design your own container garden

No comments: