October

"War were declared."

Wide Releases – Not Original

An American Carol

Blindness

Body of Lies

Changeling

City of Ember

Express

Flash of Genius

High School Musical 3

How to Lose Friends and Alienate People

Max Payne

Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist

Quarantine

Saw V

The Secret Life of Bees

Sex Drive (Seriously, it's based on a book.)

W.

Zack and Miri Make a Porno (Though the overarching story may be sort of original, this is for a Star Wars porno... which incidentally is pretty much every Kevin Smith movie.)

Month – 17

Year – 74

Wide Releases - Original

Beverly Hills Chihuahua

The Haunting of Molly Harley

Pride and Glory

Month – 3

Year – 59

Limited Release – Original

Allah Made Me Funny

Ballast

Call + Response

Choose Connor

Dear Zachary

Eden Lake

Fear(s) of the Dark

Filth and Wisdom

The First Basket

Fraude: Mexico 2006

Front Runners

Gay Bed and Breakfast Terror

Good Dick

Happy-Go-Lucky

I've loved you so long

Just Buried

Tbe Matador

Mattie Fresno and the Holoflux Universe

Morning Light

My Name is Bruce

Nights and Weekends

Not Your Typical Bigfoot Movie

The Other End of the Line

Passengers

The Pleasures of Being Robbed

Rachel Getting Married

Religulous

Roadside Romeo

RocknRolla

Saving Marriage

The Soviet Story

Splinter

Synecdoche, NY

Talento de Barrio
Tokyo Gore Police

Total Denial

Tru Loved

Universe of Keith Haring

The Violent Kind

Who Does She Think She Is?

Limited Not Original

Ashes of Time Redux

Ben X

Billy: The Early Years

Breakfast with Scot

Let the Right One In

One Day You'll Understand

What Just Happened

The Score

Month: 43-24

Year: 294-140

wide:

Month: 3-17

Year: 59-74

Note: With two months to go, the wide releases are running away with the unoriginality. In unoriginal news, there is a Footloose remake, a Karate Kid remake, and a Fame remake in the works. Plus, they're bringing back Melrose Place.

Straight Talk

-If John McCain weren't the nominee, John McCain would be blasting the campaign for the Bill Ayers and Jeremiah Wright stuff.

-Sarah Palin is far from through. Sure, she's a power abusing, frightening, massively wardrobed monster: she's also wildly popular with the republicans in a party where most heroes are dead or ancient. Consider the near-candidates from this past year - Rudy Giuliani is prochoice, Mitt Romney is Mormon, and everyone else has been pretty much forgotten except on Law and Order reruns. McCain is ancient and, after he loses this election, will probably disappear. George Bush's administration has effectively ended the careers of everyone involved with it, at least for the immediate future. So who's left for the right to rally behind? Who can appeal to the middle class and to social conservatives while still defending business and wealth interests? Can you guess? You betcha.

-If history repeats itself and we are heading into a depression, it's probably a bad thing that Sarah Palin reminds me so much of early 30's Hitler.

-I cannot manage to generate any sympathy for Joe the Plumber or the other small business owners who make over a quarter million dollars a year and don't feel like they should pay even slightly higher taxes.

-The middle class means everyone who earns between nothing and 5 million a year, apparently. John McCain said that anyone making over 5 million was rich, and accused Obama of voting raise taxes on families making less than $41,000 a year (which was only true technically). Speaking as someone who is very poor and made about $22,000 last year, I know that a family making less than twice that would be struggling. But they'd be middle class according to McCain. It's not just the republicans, either... both campaigns have been saying 'middle class' constantly, mostly where it would probably be more honest to say 'lower class' or 'poor.' Granted, in this economy even people making six figures might be struggling to maintain their lifestyle, but I'm not sure that it's fair to group people who have to drive the sedan instead of the SUV with people who have to juggle credit cards to keep up with food and gas prices.

-For those of you not in North Carolina, Elizabeth Dole is running the nastiest campaign I have ever seen. Her ads have gone beyond calling her opponent, Kay Hagan, a liar, and have called her a 'fibber,' compared her to a yappy dog several times, and accused her of owning oil companies and wanting to destroy unions.

-The two kids who got caught plotting to kill Obama by driving toward him while firing out the window of a car, dressed in white suits and top hats are just two angry, weird kids. Unfortunately, there are probably more viable plots afoot. Joe Biden was right about the new president facing tests, but odds are they aren't just coming from abroad.

-If the threats the new president faces are not being faced by President Barack Obama, I think I will actually leave the country this time.

-George Bush: lamest duck ever.

MUSIC: born ruffians: foxes mate for life

September

Wide Releases – Not Original

Bangkok Dangerous

The Women

Miracle At St. Anna

Nights In Rodanthe

Appaloosa

Choke

The Duchess

Month – 7

Year – 57

Wide Releases - Original

Burn After Reading

Righteous Kill

Tyler Perry's the Family that Preys

Eagle Eye

Fireproof

Ghost Town

Igor

Lakeview Terrace

My Best Friend's Girl

Month – 9

Year – 56

Limited Releases – Original

Able Danger

August Evening

Christmas on Mars

Everybody Wants to be Italian

Exit Speed

Greetings from the Shore

Jake's Corner

Loins of Punjab Presents

Moving Midway

Phoebe in Wonderland

Ping Pong Playa

The Pool

Proud American

Secrecy

Surfer Dude

Walking On Dead Fish

Young People Fucking

All of Us

All Roads Lead Home

Amexicano

Forever Strong

Hounddog

Humboldt County

The Lucky Ones

Obscene

Wild Combination: a Portrait of Arthur Russell

Shoot on Sight

Silent Light

Smother

Unspooled

Limited Releases Not Original

Virtual JFK

A Thousand Years of Good Prayers

the World Unseen

Hallam Foe (AKA Mr. Foe)

A Secret

Pink Conspiracy

Man From London

Battle In Seattle

Boogie Man: The Lee Atwater Story

The Amazing Truth About Queen Raquela

Towelhead

The Score

month: 39-18

year: 251-116

wide:
month: 9-7
year: 56-57

I wanted to alert everyone...

... to this thing. It was made during the writer's strike to show the potential of internet-only content, and it's available to watch in full for what I imagine is a limited time. Also, I imagine it's better than pretty much anything on TV.

Speaking of TV, I admit that there was a time when I was a gigantic Law and Order fan. I've watched more than one of those frequent USA or TNT marathons. I think, then that my brief discussion of some of what is actually on TV should start there. I watched the season premiere of SVU this week.

There was a subplot involving a credit card being stolen which was actually taken by Chris Meloni's daughter. This was more interesting than the actual plot. Luke Perry was some sort of serial rapist who confessed off screen after long, painful minutes of screen time were given to some truly atrocious child-acting/tantruming.

I also fell victim to the JJ Abrams hype machine and actually watched Fringe. The show is talked about as if it is a blend of the X-files and.. well... something. Whatever that something is, it's not very present in the blend. Fringe is a watered down and more absurd X-files. The plot of the second episode was actually a rip off of three different X-files plots, and as of the third episode, nothing has been encountered that Dr. Regent of Gondor doesn't specifically remember working on back in the day. How convenient. The plots and characters are cribbed from a better show and the complexity of the relationships outside of this core group are so wildly underdeveloped that conversations become incomprehensible. And it doesn't help that half the locations are giant glass buildings, so that from the inside the audience can't tell if they're in Boston or New York or some new all-glass structure.

And don't get me started on the giant 3-d letters that tell the location and then are integrated into shots as if the label "Harvard" is actually physically present on the Harvard campus.

Also, some of the biggest upcoming fall shows are Kath and Kim (remake from Australia), Life on Mars (remake from England), Knight Rider (remake from Hell), and Little Britain (England again). So now this post ties in with my overall theme, sort of.

And on another TV note, I wonder what they're scrambling to replace tomorrow's debate with, since John McCain has shown his leadership by running back to D.C. to vote instead of, you know, having a debate that will help determine who will lead the damn country. In his defense, though, I wouldn't want to debate Barack either.

Music: tv on the radio: shout me out

The original score...

...is taking over the blog... it's actually a reasonable amount of time and effort each week to write snarky and insulting film summaries and then post them with cumulative scores.

Not enough work that I'm going to stop... just, I'm going to keep up with it on a monthly basis for the rest of the year, I think. I'll throw September's totals up with some appropriate jabs (I'm looking at you Bangkok Dangerous) after the last friday of the month. That way I can actually use this blog to, you know, blog. Instead of just keep a tally.

So in non-original movie news:

I've been querying agents like mad, even though I don't know if this is really the thing to do. I've got a few good scripts and I even have them registered with the WGA, and I'd like someone to sell them and give me money. I realize, however, that this is a difficult proposition. Especially in Carrboro.

So at the same time, I'm putting together an application for the graduate MFA program for screenwriting at UCLA. I'm lining up recommendations and letters of reference and requirements and whatnot. I kind of hate the idea of going to school again, but the economy and the business being what it is, I guess there are worse things.

Some guy sold us a kiln, and Amanda has been firing and glazing and throwing (pots... as in making them) like crazy. She might even take a stab at an MFA herself... but regardless of that she's making some pretty amazing things.

And that's what's afoot aside from how unoriginal hollywood is. Along those lines, I would like to point out that there are an awful lot of "new" shows this fall that are remakes of older or more foreign shows. the bastards.

MUSIC: beck: earthquake weather

29 August 2008

"Never trust a man in a blue trench coat. Never drive a car when you're dead."

wide:

Babylon A.D.: not original

College: I'm pretty sure I liked this better when it was P.C.U. (or anything else). Original

Disaster Movie: This is probably what these guys should have called all of their movies. Not original

Traitor: Story by Steve Martin? That Steve Martin? (yes). Not original

Limited:

My Mexican Shiva: You're dead to me, Mexico. Original

Sukiyaki Western Django: Were guns in existence in the 1100's? I'm pretty sure they weren't, but what the hell, Japanese Westerns are a-okay even if they're anachronistic nonsense. Original

Year of the Fish: Rotoscoped Cinderella story set in New York's Chinatown. Keyword: Massage Parlour. Original

Return to Goree: The week almost got by without any new Documentary releases... almost. Original

score:

week: 5-2
year: 212-98

wide:

week: 1-3
year: 47-50

22 August 2008

"Unless, of course, war were declared."

wide:

Death Race: Paul W.S. Anderson, not to be confused with Paul T. Anderson or Wes Anderson. This is the one that sucks. Not original

The House Bunny: PLAYMATE HOUSE!! (just barely) original

The Longshots: Warnings: "Based on a true story" "Starring Ice Cube" "Directed by Fred Durst" Not original

The Rocker: The name of the writer (Wally Wolodarsky) is funnier than the whole concept. Original

limited:

Ballet Shoes: Not original

Cthulhu: That Cthulhu... starring Tori Spelling. Not original

Hamlet 2: I hope Steve Coogan can get some post Tropic Thunder attention for this. Original

I Served the King of England: Menzel is adapting his first Hrabel novel since Closely Watched Trains. Not original

I.O.U.S.A.: You don't wanna know. Original

Momma's Man: Writer/Director Azazel Jacobs takes a big risk putting "Momma" in the title and not casting Martin Lawrence. I hope he has a good lawyer. Original

Trouble the Water: The water is flood water... hence the trouble. Original

the score:

week: 6-5
year: 207-96

wide:

week: 2-2
year: 46-47

15 August 2008

"I think, the world, it will anoint me if I show it how I hold it"

wide:

Tropic Thunder: I feel like I'm taking crazy pills. Original

Mirrors: Even if I hadn't seen the preview to confirm, I'd bet a lot of money on this Asian horror remake having at least one creepy child in it. Not original

The Clone Wars: Hopefully the kid-pleasing (Jar Jar) aspect of this one is just the animation, and Lucas hasn't inserted some jive-talking sea elephant or a pink fluffy bunny jedi. Not original

Vicky Christina Barcelona: Scarlett Johansson is going to have sex with someone in a Woody Allen movie. This makes the movie at least in part unoriginal. Original

limited:

Anita O'Day: The Life of a Jazz Singer: Original

Blitzkrieg! Escape from Stalag 69: Nazisploitation. I'm not kidding. Original

Fly me to the Moon: Houseflies stow away on Apollo 11. This movie gets made and I don't have an agent yet.... Original

The Girl Cut in Two: Thankfully not connected with Eli Roth. Based on a true story. Not original

Henry Poole is Here: And Henry Poole is going to see some religious figure somewhere. I hope it's Ted Nugent in the woodgrain of a rifle stock. Original

Jack Brooks: Monster Slayer: I can't tell if this is a remake, but it looks about as unoriginal as can be either way, so I give it the Not original.

One Bad Cat: The Albert Wagner Story: There are a lot of coloned titles getting limited releases this week. Also, this is a documentary and Albert Wagner is not, in fact, a cat. Original

the score:

week: 7-4
year: 201-91

wide:

week: 2-2
year: 44-45

8 August 2008

"Fuck Jeff Goldblum!" (from Pineapple Express, apparently. Without seeing it, I guess it's the best line in the movie.)

wide:

Pineapple Express: I hope they paid a lot, David Gordon Green... Original

Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2: Did you know that the first movie was based on a novel? Not that that's an excuse. Not original

Limited:

Amal: Thanks to Salman Rushdie, I know what the movies about simply by reading the title of the story it's based on, "Amal: The Autorickshaw Wallah." Not original

Beautiful Losers: Unrelated to the Leonard Cohen novel, which is really too bad. Original

Beer for My Horses: Starring and (co)written by Toby Keith! Ted Nugent costars! I assume PETA will be getting everyone involved jailed, since this is probably just an edited down tape of Keith and some friends (Claire Forlani?) force feeding their horses gallons of pbr. Original

Bottle Shock: I have become very interested in beer and wine production in the last month, and even I can't imagine a movie about making wine being very enjoyable. Not original

Elegy: It's Ben Kingsley! Let's all praise him! (The proprietor is still pissed about You Kill Me) Not original

Fire Under the Snow: Documentary about a Tibetan monk and his 33 years in jail. Original

Hell Ride: This is the 3rd Dennis Hopper picture in seven days... Original

The Neighbor: Based on the synopsis, I'm pretty sure this is that David Spade movie where he kidnapped a dog. Original

Patti Smith: Dream of Life: I think I would like this documentary more if it had kept it's working title ("Untitled Patti Smith Project"). Original

Red: Brian Cox is going on a revenge spree after three kids kill his dog. No, seriously. Not original

What We Do in Secret: is apparently write biopics about people no one's ever heard of. Does anyone know who Darby Crash is (was? I dunno)? Not original

Wrangler: Anatomy of an Icon: I don't know who this guy is, but I find it off-putting that a man who produced so much pornography is named Wrangler. Original

the score:

week: 8-6
year: 194-87

wide:

week: 1-1
year: 42-43

note: late. But I did finish another script last week, and I need some readers. volunteers?

1 August 2008

"No more goat soup"

wide:

The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor: Finally, a movie featuring the terra cotta army AND yetis. Not original

Swing Vote: In the second dream pairing of the weekend, Willie Nelson and Judge Reinhold share the screen. Original

Midnight Meat Train: After years of trying unsuccessfully to get Clive Barker to let them abandon his story and make a terrible adult film, some studio caved in and actually made a film based on the story. Not original

limited:

The Square: Directed and produced by Nash Edgerton. Written and produced by and starring Joel Edgerton (that's Owen Lars from the new Star Wars trilogy to you). Original

America the Beautiful: Is America dangerously obsessed with appearance? Does phrasing the question this way make it obvious how the documentary will answer it? Original

Frozen River: What are the people who smuggle people across the northern border into the US called? Timber wolves? Original

In Search of a Midnight Kiss: This movie takes place on New Years Eve. You now know the entire plot. Original



the score:

week: 5-2
year: 186-81

wide:

week: 1-2
year: 41-42

25 July 2008

"Are you serious?" "Almost always. I was once voted the worst audience participant Cirque Du Soleil ever had."

wide:

X-Files: I Want to Believe: I do too, but the reviews are not good. Not original

Step Brothers: Remember Talladega Nights? Well, someone really, really wants to remind you. Original

limited:

American Teen: Guess what this documentary's about. Original

Return to Normandy: Another obviously titled documentary, but the title action is for the purpose of finding people involved in an earlier documentary rather than the assumed World War II reasons. Original

Boy A: Out of prison after serving a juvenile murder sentence, Jack gets confused about his radiohead references. Not original

Brideshead Revisited: "Evelyn Waugh was a man." Not original

CSNY Deja Vu: That's "Crosby, Stills, Nash, and Young" not some sort of obscure New York crime unit. Original

Man on Wire: That's three for three with the obviously titled documentaries. Original

The Order of Myths: Mardi Gras in Mobile, Alabama. Original

Red 71: The plot synopsis makes it sound decent enough, but then you notice that the plot synopsis was written by the director. Original

the score:

week: 7-3
year: 181-81

wide:

week: 1-1
year: 40-40

18 July 2008

"They may be drinkers, Robin, but they're still human beings." - Batman: The Movie

Wide:

The Dark Knight: You saw the last one. It'll be way better than Batman & Robin. Not original

Mamma Mia: Everybody likes Abba! And Meryl Streep has never been more popular. And, really, who doesn't love Stellan Skarsgaard? Oh, well he was in Dogville. He was the guy with the orchard. Right, the first one to... Hey! Where're you going?! Not original

Space Chimps: It's like that sketch from the Muppet Show that was tolerably funny for ten minutes, except that it's 90 minutes. Also, it replaces pigs with monkeys. Also, it cost 40 million dollars. Original

Limited:

Before I Forget: It's French and autobiographical. Oh, and gay. Jaques Nolot. He's very big... Look, the French are paying for it. Fine. Original

Felon: We got Val Kilmer all method-ed out and in jail, and he's probably going to wail on or take under his wing the new fish guy... I dunno, I didn't really read it. But Stephen Dorff is on board, and it's an indie, so everybody's working for peanuts. Original

The Legend of God's Gun: I know that quirky's out and that westerns are dead, but... well... it's a quirky western. Hey, it takes place in a town called Playa Diablo! Maybe we can muddy the waters and trick some people into thinking it's connected with Juno! That picture made buttloads. Original

Lou Reed's Berlin: Julian Schnabel and Lou Reed. Original

Mad Detective: Get this, it's a rookie cop teamed up with an insane cop! Imagine what we could do with the rights, Mel Gibson, and Shia Lebeouf. Original

Transsiberian: It's basically Murder on the Orient Express, but on a Trans-Siberian passenger train. Original

Very British Gangster: I know what you're thinking, but Ben Kingsley's not involved. This is a documentary. Original

the score

week: 8-2
year: 174-78

wide:

week: 1-2
year: 39-39

11 July 2008

"I am an American aquarium drinker..."

Another week missed. Here we go.

last week wide:

Hancock: Every time a movie title is the main character's last name, the first name is John. It is probably not an absolute rule, but it's close (Shaft, Constantine, Rambo, etc...). Original

Kitt Kittridge: An American Girl: Sequel to the underperforming Helga Hoffstadt: Eine East German Madchen. Not Original

last week limited:

Gonzo: The Life and Work of Hunter Thompson: Documentary. Original

The Wackness: Ben Kingsley makes out with an Olsen and rocks the ganj. What's not to like? Original

Diminished Capacity: Another week, another Matthew Broderick movie. Original

Holding Trevor: "They’re embarrassing America! They turned the Navy into a floating joke. They ruined all our best names like Bruce, and Lance, and Julian. Those were the toughest names we had!" Now even our gerund-name titles aren't safe! Original

Very Young Girls: Documentary about the title people and prostitution.. Original

last weeks score:

week: 6-1
year: 160-69

wide:

week: 1-1
year: 37-35

This week wide:

Hellboy II: The Golden Army: It's nice to see Ron Perlman doing something other than absorbing Beauty and the Beast living-in-the-sewer jokes. Not original

Journey to the Center of the Earth: Encino Man will finally get to face dinosaurs. Not original

Meet Dave: Even keeping The Love Guru in mind, this looks like the worst comedy of the summer (ever?). Original

This week limited:

Another Gay Sequel: Gays Gone Wild: IMDB plot outline: "Andy, Nico, Jarod and Griff reunite in Fort Lauderdale for Spring Break and participate in a contest called "Gays Gone Wild" to determine who can attain the most "buttlove" over the course of the vacation." Not original

August: Takes place in August 2001, but something tells me it's going to leak over into the first, say, dozen days of the next month. Original

Days and Clouds: Italian film. Original

Death Defying Acts: Guy Pearce as Harry Houdini. I'm in. Not original

Eight Miles High: (German) Sex, Drugs, and Rock and Roll! Not original

Full Battle Rattle: The Iraq simulation in California gets documentaried. Original

Garden Party: Another Los Angeles movie about how mundane and bleak it is in Hollywood. (not really but technically) Original

Harold: It's funny because Har-old has Old man Hair... get it? The kid's bald. See? Hilarious. Original

La France: World War I... the musical! Not original

The Stone Angel: Old lady = stone angel! Not original

This weeks scores

week: 6-7
year: 166-76

wide:

week: 1-2
year: 38-37

27 June 2008

"you didn't have to go all Frankie Muniz on me"

wide:

Wall-E: I know, I hoped it was a new Short Circuit too. Alas. Original

Wanted: What we need is more movies made out of comic books. Not original

limited:

Wicked Lake: Camping, men forcing women to do horrible things, revenge... This sounds a little too close to movies I hate (I Spit on your Grave, Hostel...) to be any good. Original

Trumbo: A documentary (sort of) based on a play...? Confusing to classify on the originality scale, but certainly an intriguing looking picture. Not original

The Last Mistress: Revealing mistakes: In one shot, Asia Argento's "tramp stamp" tattoo is visible. Although tattoos were known to early 19th century Europeans (in fact, they date back before civilization), it seems improbable that Argento's character, a Spanish lady in France, was meant to have a tattoo in a design like the actress's tattoo. Not original

Gunnin' for that #1 Spot: Hoop Dreamsy. Original

Finding Amanda: Matthew Broderick once again makes a better movie than Deck the Halls that will get a fraction of the release. Original

Bustin' Down the Door: Another documentary about surfing. Also, the second documentary with an apostrophe for a 'g' this week. They must be totally hip. Original

the score:

week: 5-2
year: 154-68

wide:

week: 1-1
year: 36-34

20 June 2008

"I got a hand so I got a fist so I got a plan, it's the best that I can do"

wide:

Get Smart: It's funny because he's stupid. Get it? Not original

The Love Guru: It's not funny, but it is, by all accounts, even stupider. Though I did see the end of Dana Carvey's Master of Disguise recently and I would be willing to bet that Guru is not the worst vehicle for a Wayne's World alum. Original

limited:

Brick Lane: Arranged marriage trip from Bangladesh to London. Sounds like East is East, but this time it's classified as a drama instead of a comedy so it's probably not so goddamn depressing. Not original

Dashavatar: "The ten avatars" is the literal title translation. It seems pretty hard to describe and experimental, but it also seems to be based on the mythology of Vishnu. Not original

Expired: A meter maid falls in love with an asshole cop in LA. Tagline: "Don't park your heart in the red zone." By all accounts it's better than it sounds. Original

Hair Extensions: Killer hair extensions. I'm not kidding. Original

the score:

week: 3-3
year: 149-66

wide:

week: 1-1
year: 35-33

note: That American Girl movie doesn't get covered now because it's getting a wide release in a week and a half. I'm sure I don't always catch movies that get released like this, but this one is all over the tv about how this limited release is a "sneak preview," so I caught this one.

13 June 2008

"How 'bout a bumper sandwich, boogerlips?!"

Wide:

The Incredible Hulk: Spoiler Alert: That's William Hurt, not Ted Levine. Don't let the mustache fool you. Not original

The Happening: More like the Cra... no, no... seriously, I'm sure it's good. Unless the twist is that it's actually bad the whole time, only Haley Osment can't tell. Original

Limited:

Baghead: Think Leatherface, only stupid on purpose (and not as stupid). Original

Chris and Don: A Love Story: Documentary about the the long-lasting relationship between a British writer , an American artist, and the most generic title ever. Original

Encounters at the end of the World: Holy shit, Werner Herzog was in Antarctica! Tell me somebody warned Antarctica. Is it still there? Did he push a boat over it? Original

Love Comes Lately: Amorous old man. Based on the stories of Issac Bashevis Singer. Not original

My Winnipeg: That's Guy Maddin's Winnipeg, not yours. Original

Quid Pro Quo: Because of the curvy, colorful poster images that use a lot of blue, I thought that there was a typo and that this was some sort of a squid picture. Alas I am mistaken. Original

To the Limit: "Every body to the limit, the Cheat is to the limit! Everybody come on Fhqwhgads." Original

the score:

week: 7-2
year: 146-63

wide:

week: 1-1
year: 34-32

note: The new Jan Hrebejk (Divided We Fall, Horem Padem) film is playing in limited release, but it was originally released in 2006 so it doesn't get included in the count. See it all the same.

6 June 2008

So I missed a week. Instead of saying something brief and cruel about Sex and the City, I was moving across town to a sweet new pad. So this week is a double.

"Hava Nagila, Baby" -Rabbi, P.I.

Last Week Wide:

Sex and the City: The Movie: Thank god they put this in theaters instead of Sex and the City: The Book. Not original

The Strangers: Supposedly inspired by true events. Not original

Last Week Limited:

The Foot Fist Way: Moustache alert! Original

Bigger, Faster, Stronger: Steroids Documentary. Original

Savage Grace: Based on a book of a true story. Not original

Stuck: Mena Suvari hits Stephen Rea with a car. Original

Last Week's Scores:

week: 3-3
year: 130-60

Wide: 0-2
Year: 31-31


This week:

Wide:

Kung Fu Panda: Finally, a movie that combines the talents of Jackie Chan, David Cross, and Wayne Knight. Original

You Don't Mess With the Zohan: If this movie didn't develop with the help of some sort of intoxicants and liberal inspiration from the Jesus character in The Big Lebowski then I am very surprised. Original

Limited:

Dreams with Sharp Teeth: Harlan Ellison Documentary. Original

Go-Getter: Let the Zooey Deschanel summer assault begin! Original

The Grocer's Son: It's French, bitch. Original

Miss Conception: There are two 'o's in the title, so guess how many are turned into gender symbols to show us how light hearted this movie about infertility is. That's right, two. Original

Mother of Tears: Dario Argento movie with a reference to eyes in the title? This won't go well. Original

Operation Filmmaker: Documentary. Original

The Promotion: Sean William Scott apparently wasn't satisfied with that movie where he fought against Billy Bob Thornton, so now he gets to go after John Reilly. Original

And When did you Last See your Father?: A father's closeness to death sparks reminiscences in his son. AKA Big Fish. Also, based on a novel. Not original

the score:

week: 9-1
year: 139-61

wide:

week: 2-0
year: 33-31

Note: the odds of my having missed a few films last week are, unfortunately, high. I'll try and catch it if I can, but right now I have to unpack.

23 May 2008

"I've got more trophies than Wayne Gretzky and the Pope combined."

wide:

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull: The empire strikes back. Not original

limited:

Postal: Based on that video game you probably forgot. (Note: apparently this was supposed to be a wide release until theater owners stopped being completely retarded.) Not original

War, Inc.: Being called the unofficial sequel to Grosse Point Blank does not make it so. Scorpions. Original

Children of Huang Shi: Epic Chinese love story... starring the guy from The Tudors and the girl from Silent Hill. I know. Original

A Jihad for Love: Curiously named documentary about gay and lesbian Muslims. I keep thinking of the scene in Team America where the actor threatens to declare a jihad on anyone who makes him angry, and then I feel terrible. Original

Dalai Lama Renaissance: Harrison Ford narrates a documentary about the Dalai Lama (and probably a noun of an adjective noun). Original

The Edge of Heaven: Bizarre translation of a German film literally called "from the other side." Original

Insidious: Young writer/director makes a movie about a young writer/director. Original


the score:

week: 6-2
year: 127-57

wide:

week: 0-1
year: 31-29

(note: Postal not only isn't getting the wide release that Uwe was somehow able to dupe people into agreeing to, but it also doesn't contain the footage of him having fistfights with his critics. alas)

16 May 2008

"If only we hadn't flown penguins to Pluto and dumped oil on them!"

Wide:

Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian: Based on the bible/C.S. Lewis. Not original

Limited:

Indestructible: A documentary, one assumes, about superman. Original

My Father, My Lord: Based on the bible/Original

Sangre de mi Sangre: Combines El Norte with El Mariachi and The Muppets Take Manhattan, except this time, it's personal. Original

Yella: German. Original

the score:

week: 4-1
year: 121-55

wide:

week: 0-1
year: 31-28

9 May 2008

"Back of the net."

wide:

Speed Racer: "Kudos to production designer the Marquis de Sade, and to script-doctor Chim-Chim." -Gregory Weinkauf. Not original

What Happens In Vegas: Does not stay in Vegas, in fact, and takes place largely in New York. Also what happens in Vegas is terrible ideas for movies are drunkenly hatched. Despite the fact that the premise of this film seems to be based on an ad campaign I guess it's grudgingly Original

Limited:

The Babysitters: The early front runner for the film most likely to have creepy old men filing lawsuits for intellectual property theft. Original

Battle for Haditha: It's hard to tell if this is a fictional film set during the event or essentially a retelling so I'm gonna go Not Original

Before the Rains: But after the original movie, Asphalt Zahov. Not original


Bloodline: The rule on documentaries is that they count as original, but a documentary of a guy trying to explore The Da Vinci Code is getting the Not original

Frontier(s): Neonazis! Original

The Memory Thief: Nazis! Original

Monster Camp: It's like summer camp if, instead of basket weaving and hiking, campers pretended they were orcs and wizards. Oh, and all the campers are adult fantasy enthusiasts. Original

Noise: Tim Robbins is being driven crazy by the constant noise in New York, so instead of considering a move or maybe some soundproofing, he becomes batman. Original


Refusenik: Commies! Original

Surfwise: Documentary about a rejected sequel to Lord of the Rings in which Sam leads a gnarly surfboard invasion to the undying lands. No? Damn. Original

The Tracey Fragments: "There are only rare scenes in which there are less then 3 fragments to be seen on screen." Sounds unpleasant and pretentious, but I've been wrong before. Not original

Turn the River: Is about a poolshark, but I bet there's some Texas Hold 'em in there, too. Original

Vice: Stars most of the cast of Kill Bill. That is all I know. Original

the score:

week: 10-5
year: 117-54

wide:

week: 1-1
year: 31-27