"Did Colonel Carl Jenkins just steal my car?"
wide:
Baby Mama: Original
Harold and Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay: Not original
Deception: Original
limited:
Deal: Original
Rogue: Original
Then She Found Me: Not Original
Bomb It: Original
Roman de Gare: Not Original
Standard Operating Procedure: Original
The City of Your Final Destination: Not Original
Without the King: Original
the score:
week: 7-4
year: 100-45
wide:
week: 2-1
year: 29-25
note: the bad news is that my job editing html all day makes me really not want to work on this thing. The good news, however, is that I've been fired, so next week I should be a lot more entertaining.
Friday, April 25, 2008
Friday, April 18, 2008
18 April 2008
"Oh wow! This orange is delicious. It is literally to die for." -man enjoying a free sample who does not know what "literal" means.
wide:
88 Minutes: Al Pacino is the pits. Original
Forgetting Sarah Marshall: Based on the tragic dating history of the screenwriter. Like every romantic comedy. Original
The Forbidden Kingdom: Based on the legend of the Monkey King. Not original
limited:
Expelled No Intelligence Allowed: Ben Stein is allowed... what does that tell you? Original
Anamorph: Wasn't this a saturday morning cartoon? No? I'll be damned. Original
First Saturday in May: If you can just remember that this documentary is about the Kentucky Derby then you can remember when the Kentucky Derby happens. Very helpful. Original
Kiss the Bride: Or don't because you are not attracted to her because you are coming to grips with being a gay man in a romantic comedy of the gay type. Original
Life Before Her Eyes: school shooting survival guilt. Not original
Pathology: With the "commit the perfect murder" dare, another game of truth or dare goes too far. Or something. Original
Where in the World is Osama Bin Laden: Finally, we got Morgan Spurlock on the case! Your ass is grass, Osama. Original
Zombie Strippers: need I say more? Based on the Booker nominated novel by A.S. Byatt. Original
the score:
week: 9-2
year: 100-41
wide:
week: 2-1
year: 27-24
wide:
88 Minutes: Al Pacino is the pits. Original
Forgetting Sarah Marshall: Based on the tragic dating history of the screenwriter. Like every romantic comedy. Original
The Forbidden Kingdom: Based on the legend of the Monkey King. Not original
limited:
Expelled No Intelligence Allowed: Ben Stein is allowed... what does that tell you? Original
Anamorph: Wasn't this a saturday morning cartoon? No? I'll be damned. Original
First Saturday in May: If you can just remember that this documentary is about the Kentucky Derby then you can remember when the Kentucky Derby happens. Very helpful. Original
Kiss the Bride: Or don't because you are not attracted to her because you are coming to grips with being a gay man in a romantic comedy of the gay type. Original
Life Before Her Eyes: school shooting survival guilt. Not original
Pathology: With the "commit the perfect murder" dare, another game of truth or dare goes too far. Or something. Original
Where in the World is Osama Bin Laden: Finally, we got Morgan Spurlock on the case! Your ass is grass, Osama. Original
Zombie Strippers: need I say more? Based on the Booker nominated novel by A.S. Byatt. Original
the score:
week: 9-2
year: 100-41
wide:
week: 2-1
year: 27-24
Friday, April 11, 2008
11 April 2008
"Oh man, those first 400 bites of dirt were not so good. Maybe the next one will be better."
wide:
Prom Night: "I heard prom night was the bomb night with a hoodrat you can squeeze tight." "Alas, Skee-Lo, you were misinformed." Not original
Street Kings: The widest release this year to feature so many fake named people. Cedric the Entertainer, The Game, Common, and some ass who calls himself Keanu, I assume having adopted and misspelled the name of his favorite Mortal Kombat character. Not original
Smart People: Based on the prominent mustacio of Thomas Hayden Church in the previews, I am forced to assume that this film was financed by the mustache lobby to change the mustache's image from child molesters, villains, and the monopoly guy to "smart people." Original
limited:
Bra Boys: Think "s'up, bra," not "boy, I sure like wearing slinky bras." Documentary about, get this, a notorious surf gang. Australia is living Point Break. Original
Dark Matter: Dissertation gets passed over for Nobel, dissertation author kills. Based on a true story (?!) from University of Iowa. Not original
Dhamma Brothers: Alabama prison plus ancient meditation program equals irresistible documentary topic. I don't blame you, Andrew Kukura, Jenny Philips, and Anne Marie Stein. Original
A Four Letter Word: I cannot compete with this IMDB summary: "When Luke enters the gay bar flanked by his sidekicks, he doesn't know that he is about to meet his match-in hot macho man Stephen." Original
Never Forever: Couple can't have child, so naturally the wife decides to have a hot naked affair with a migrant worker. Original
Super High Me: With a title that creative, is it any wonder that the movie is about a guy smoking a lot of pot? Original
The Visitor: Spoiler: the visitor is the guy who lives there. Original
Young and Restless in China: either a documentary about young people in China or a documentary about the hopefully-real Chinese version of the similarly titled soap. Original
Young @ Heart: I hate the title of this movie so much that I want to destroy it. How's this, old people in the movie singing U2's "One" in a triumphant acapella old person unity moment, "One" is about a transvestite with HIV confessing to his alienated and hateful father! Bam, how're those conservative Christian morals now! Original
the score:
week: 9-3
year: 91-39
wide:
week: 1-2
year: 25-23
wide:
Prom Night: "I heard prom night was the bomb night with a hoodrat you can squeeze tight." "Alas, Skee-Lo, you were misinformed." Not original
Street Kings: The widest release this year to feature so many fake named people. Cedric the Entertainer, The Game, Common, and some ass who calls himself Keanu, I assume having adopted and misspelled the name of his favorite Mortal Kombat character. Not original
Smart People: Based on the prominent mustacio of Thomas Hayden Church in the previews, I am forced to assume that this film was financed by the mustache lobby to change the mustache's image from child molesters, villains, and the monopoly guy to "smart people." Original
limited:
Bra Boys: Think "s'up, bra," not "boy, I sure like wearing slinky bras." Documentary about, get this, a notorious surf gang. Australia is living Point Break. Original
Dark Matter: Dissertation gets passed over for Nobel, dissertation author kills. Based on a true story (?!) from University of Iowa. Not original
Dhamma Brothers: Alabama prison plus ancient meditation program equals irresistible documentary topic. I don't blame you, Andrew Kukura, Jenny Philips, and Anne Marie Stein. Original
A Four Letter Word: I cannot compete with this IMDB summary: "When Luke enters the gay bar flanked by his sidekicks, he doesn't know that he is about to meet his match-in hot macho man Stephen." Original
Never Forever: Couple can't have child, so naturally the wife decides to have a hot naked affair with a migrant worker. Original
Super High Me: With a title that creative, is it any wonder that the movie is about a guy smoking a lot of pot? Original
The Visitor: Spoiler: the visitor is the guy who lives there. Original
Young and Restless in China: either a documentary about young people in China or a documentary about the hopefully-real Chinese version of the similarly titled soap. Original
Young @ Heart: I hate the title of this movie so much that I want to destroy it. How's this, old people in the movie singing U2's "One" in a triumphant acapella old person unity moment, "One" is about a transvestite with HIV confessing to his alienated and hateful father! Bam, how're those conservative Christian morals now! Original
the score:
week: 9-3
year: 91-39
wide:
week: 1-2
year: 25-23
Friday, April 04, 2008
4 April 2008
"Sweetie! Isn't that the guy from Depeche Mode?"
"No way, where? Oh, holy crap, he's with a girl!"
"Oh yeah, that guy's totally straight. I saw a whole thing about him on the VH-1. "
"But he's the guy from Depeche Mode! That's impossible!"
wide:
Leatherheads: How can George Clooney get away with playing a football player? By making a football movie set in the primordial past. Renee Zellweger plays a stegosaurus. Original
Nim's Island: Movie about a novel and a novelist and a little girl based on a novel by a novelist who is not the same as the novelist in the movie. Think Jumanji. Not original
The Ruins: Another in a long string of anti-spelunking films. Hollywood hates caves! Not orignal
limited:
Shine a Light: Because We Were Just Kidding About That Last Waltz Being the Last One is a terrible title. Scorsese becomes the second person to shoot the ridiculous flouncing of Keith Richards in as many years. Original
Flight of the Red Balloon: Yep, it's that movie. Again. Not Original
Grizzly Park: Fake named writer/director Thomas Skull does some typical horror. Original
Meet Bill: Aaron Eckhart wears a suit. Original
My Blueberry Nights: Wong Kar Wai directs an English language picture. Original
Sex and Death 101: The writer/director and Actress from Heathers reunite. "You like a sex crime?" - Borat. Original
the score:
week: 6-3
year: 82-36
wide:
week: 1-2
year: 24-21
"No way, where? Oh, holy crap, he's with a girl!"
"Oh yeah, that guy's totally straight. I saw a whole thing about him on the VH-1. "
"But he's the guy from Depeche Mode! That's impossible!"
wide:
Leatherheads: How can George Clooney get away with playing a football player? By making a football movie set in the primordial past. Renee Zellweger plays a stegosaurus. Original
Nim's Island: Movie about a novel and a novelist and a little girl based on a novel by a novelist who is not the same as the novelist in the movie. Think Jumanji. Not original
The Ruins: Another in a long string of anti-spelunking films. Hollywood hates caves! Not orignal
limited:
Shine a Light: Because We Were Just Kidding About That Last Waltz Being the Last One is a terrible title. Scorsese becomes the second person to shoot the ridiculous flouncing of Keith Richards in as many years. Original
Flight of the Red Balloon: Yep, it's that movie. Again. Not Original
Grizzly Park: Fake named writer/director Thomas Skull does some typical horror. Original
Meet Bill: Aaron Eckhart wears a suit. Original
My Blueberry Nights: Wong Kar Wai directs an English language picture. Original
Sex and Death 101: The writer/director and Actress from Heathers reunite. "You like a sex crime?" - Borat. Original
the score:
week: 6-3
year: 82-36
wide:
week: 1-2
year: 24-21
Wednesday, April 02, 2008
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